I went in for another appointment with my doctor today. (And I must say AGAIN….I am so blessed with great doctors. Make sure if you are ever in similar shoes….fight to find doctors who make you feel this way.) Anyways – we talked again about the pain and some added symptoms I have been having. I told him that the pain has traveled over to my left side now, my left ankle is extreme pain all the time, along with frequent ‘visits’ of imbalance and feeling light headed. We came to the conclusion to wait 3 more weeks and see if my having the flu has caused the imbalance/light headedness. The ankle pain is just an onset of arthritis and something I can't remember the medical term for...but it had to do with the weakness in my bones. It's just another thing I will slowly have more of in time.
As for the back pain…..he just reiterated what we have talked about before….that I need to not be doing so much. Going all day without resting combined with way too much lifting is compounding everything for my body. My pain will continue to worsen as time goes by. Symptoms will continue to come and go as I do things beyond what my body is capable of doing. And some things are just gonna be here to stay. Basically, there is not a whole lot besides some really good drugs that can be done (Which by the way, I am able to get really nice meds with an oncologist, but with 3 kids...can't take them like my body wants. Which is good & bad. I will not have to worry about getting addicted, but my body does cry out for them sometimes VERY LOUDLY:)
It has been suggested to get some ‘hired help’. But as most of you know, with all of this has come the mountain of medical bills, so money for extra hands is just not something we can do. And, honestly, I don’t see myself being able to watch ‘some stranger’ take care of my kids. So I continue to ask for prayers in this area.
As I sit here typing all this, I am fine with it all. I continue to be so thankful that I AM HERE. But truthfully, in the chaos of my normal day of mothering…there are many times that I am crying out for His healing hand to touch me again. There are many times that I honestly don’t know how to get through to the next moment. Those of you who have allowed me to open up and ‘spill my heart’ mean the world to my sanity right now. I don’t want to be someone who harps on this. It is what it is. There are so many of you who are dealing with so much worse than me.
As I tackle this daily, I have begun to really think about the many miracles of 2007 that my family was blessed with. And I am realizing that who am I to say that He’s done. I have already put limitations on what He is able to do. Who am I to put Him in a box? I seem to have a mindset that I am on a different part of my journey, therefore settling for second best…or should I say, “just settling” & thinking that the ‘big stuff’ (on His end) is done.
I read something yesterday that shook me where I stand in this mindset I’ve been in.
“Miracles are not something God does on a whim. He knows each and every ‘move’ that He will take and has known it since the beginning of time. Miracles are for His glory. We benefit in order to give Him this glory.”
He knows where I am at every moment. He is walking with me…and sometimes, literally carrying me. My mindset & heart is reaching towards Him with a fresh outlook at what is truly happening…
He has healed me once when medically I didn’t really stand a chance. Although, I will always be content to be in this place physically….I am now standing firm in my prayers for His healing again. I will anxiously be watching for His miracles in my life. Because glorifying Him is truly my honor & privilege.
I can never express my gratitude to all of you who hold me before His throne. There is nothing of more value to me.
With love, Shannon
No comments:
Post a Comment