It’s taken me a couple days to update, mainly because of just doing ‘mommy’ duties. But I wanted to let everyone know that I officially met with my oncologist last friday and we went over the last scans in person. Everything is great! Both the CAT scan and MRI showed no cancer. The only evidence of me even having had cancer in those areas (chest & brain) was the scarring that is normal for the course. I am most excited that the ‘not-so-fun’ Gamma Knife procedure I did back in August was worth going through. I have now gone from seeing my doc every couple of weeks to not having to see him for three months.
So, officially we can say that I am cancer free!!!
Nothing beats that….but I do want to say that I have been blessed this week. While I was in the middle of doctor’s appointments I got a call from my mom to tell me that I was getting a new bed. Some of you had conspired together and pitched in for me to be given this wonderful gift. (For those of you who don’t know: Roy & I have a very old bed that is doing nothing for the pain I am in from the damage to my spine.) So now our living room is filled with boxes waiting for Roy to put it together. I can’t wait! Thank you for blessing me in such a tangible way. I will be blessed every night by your thoughtfulness.
I have been battling with acceptance this week. The acceptance that this journey continues. I am just in another chapter. The acceptance that, although I am free from ‘the beast’, cancer will always be apart of my life. The acceptance that life will never be what it was before. There is such difference now with what ‘normal’ is for us as compared to everyone else. The acceptance that cancer will be a part of my ‘normal’ everyday from here on out.
With this acceptance I have found that I am grateful. Grateful for cancer. It has not only, literally, saved me life and the life of my baby...but it has saved my heart. It’s hard to swallow this type of gratefulness at times, because with it have been the hardest times of my life. But I do consider the spiritual insight that I have received during this horrific experience to be ‘the best thing’ that could have happened to me.
(I’ve shared this scripture before…but it one that has had great meaning to me throughout my journey)
“We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally – Not a bad idea since He’s the God who raises the dead! And He did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation – I don’t want you in the dark about that either.” 2 Corinthians 1:9-11 (MSG)
There continue to so many of you reaching out in, you claim, ‘small’ ways (which are actually really ‘big’ to me.) Thank you for all the thoughtfulness that comes our way. Prayers, ‘tangible’ things, monetary, written encouragements, word of hope, etc….are ALL blessings that will never be forgotten. Unless you have walked this road, or one similar to it….you will not be able to fully understand what a true blessing each of YOU are to me. I can only pray that God will grant you a little insight into my heart to know the joy that you bring me. Thank you never seems enough for all that you continue to do.
With joyful acceptance & gratitude
Love, Shannon
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