A year ago today I wrote this post reflecting on my 1 year mark of my diagnosis. Here I am today reminiscing over the 2ND one. So much has gone on. So much so that time seems to have flown by. Don't get me wrong. There are times, moments, that seem to drag out as the enemy attempts to bring me down.
If I had to sum up the 1st year in one word, it would have to be 'miracles'.
The 2ND would easily be described as 'toilsome'.
It's the aftermath. I've said it before. The combo of physical, emotional, mental & spiritual thrown together with trying to live a 'normal' life within this world, interacting with people who just don't 'get it' and wanting to be the best that you are meant to be....has just about pushed me over the edge. (The edge of what? Yeah, I don't know...just a figure of speech...for effect :))
But I have chosen joy.
I can't lie. The joy is not always felt. But it is something I choose. Consciously. It is the only way I know to survive this toilsome march I seem to be on. The Disciples were not instantly given This Joy. They had times full of failure, disappointment, denial, desertion & hopelessness. It was in the hope, waiting & courage that joy became their reward.
Joy is the reward that I seek. Some days I see it in the midst of my dark days. Some days I see it in my children's' smiles. Some days I hear it from your words. Some days I am given it in the form of a blessing from the totally unexpected. Some days I struggle to grasp just a twinkle of it. Some days I know He is smiling at my faithfulness. Because it truly is pure. Just as I long for Pure Joy.
I know I am in a place that He has seen since the beginning of time. My life may not be full of tangible joy. But this year sure has brought me to a place where I can grasp what True Joy is all about. This year has grown me to new heights in my understanding of my Savior. For it is because of Him that I am even here typing these words.....
Joy.
True Joy.
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