I struggle

to even know what to post anymore.

My pain is so deep within my heart and soul.

I'm lonely.

I'm depressed.

I'm feeling very betrayed.

My children are hurting...terribly.

Why me? Why us?

I get it Lord. It's all about You.

You.

Not of this world. But I have to live in it.

No clue. Nobody has any clue just what one day holds. Even an hour.

I need more transparency.

But I hide.

It's easier.

Self pity? Maybe.

But fully seeing the reality of suffering everywhere.

Friends far away suffering greater than I. Much greater.

Why must we walk these roads?

Lonely.

Nobody notices. Nobody says anything. Nobody is around anymore.

Surviving.

It's just for 'a season'.

It's too long.

I'm tired.

Life is supposed to be more than this.

Or is it?

It's more than just all the crap.

Childish crap that sucks the life out of me.

I finally get it.

Praising Him in this storm.

I still choose to love Him. I still choose to adore Him. I still choose to obey Him. I still choose worship Him. I still choose to tell of Him. I still choose to bow down to Him. I still choose to respect Him. I still choose to share Him. I still choose to be still before Him. I still choose to be a child of Him. I still choose Him.

No matter what.

He IS the Great I AM.

Even in my tears....

these are my thoughts as I struggle to sleep...