'You need to know that you are an inspiration to me and so many other people. You're example has helped turn my life around and back to God again. The way you have walked through cancer has been done with such grace.' --- these are just a few examples of what has been expressed to me over the past couple years.
But then there's this...
"Peter said, "Master, I'm ready for anything with you. I'd go to jail for you. I'd die for you!" Jesus said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Peter, but before the rooster crows you will have three times denied that you know me." -Luke 22:33-34
This is me. I am Peter. Although, his three is to my uncountable times that I have denied my Lord. It pains me to daily know how I am not only sinning, but denying the One who forgives me unendlessly.
I'm asking your permission to be human.
I never want to give off false pretenses of who I am. I am a sinner. Day in and day out. In the midst of my 'unbelievable faith' , as some would say.....I sin. I deny my Jesus. Over and over and over again. Do I want to be a great example for His Kingdom? Without a doubt. BUT. Without any false pretenses.
I am asking your permission to be human.
So know that although I may 'talk the talk'....like everyone else....I struggle to 'walk the walk'. But it is my deepest, most rooted desire to be able to just be a portion of what so many perceive me to be. I am an open wound that continuously needs the balm of the One & Only Healer. But, I am a sinner. I make choices that don't consist of turning in the direction of the Light.
I'm asking your permission to be human.Believe it or not, I do slip up and cuss when I'm upset. Believe it or not, I do yell at my kids way more that I should or would like to. Believe it or not, I get frustrated way to quickly. Believe it or not, I take shortcuts all the time. Believe it or not, I don't take time out everyday to spend time with God. Believe it or not, I give in to food temptation when I'm upset or stressed. Believe it or not, I cry tears of desperation even though I know Jesus has 'got my back'. Believe it or not, I make lots and lots of goals, but then fail to do just one of them in a day. Believe it or not, I screw up each and every day. Believe it or not, I suffer from depression. Believe it or not, I struggle to find balance in my life. Believe it or not, I hate the way I look. Believe it or not, most times I lack will power to accomplish the task(s) at hand. Believe it or not, I shed tears daily. Believe it or not, I envy and have great jealousy towards others. Believe it or not, I argue with my husband all the time because I haven't learned to just stop talking. Believe it or not, even with where my God has taken me in the past 2 years...I struggle to always share openly about Him to those closest to me. Believe it or not, I am addicted to a few things that don't amount to nothing in the bigger scheme of things (Starbucks, duh. Facebook. Computer in general. And chocolate). Believe it or not, believe it or not, believe it or not.
I am so thankful that He allows me to be human because...
believe it or not....
He loves me the way I am.
Will you?
3 comments:
That was wonderfully written. It's refresing to see someone admit they are not "perfect". Sometimes I get caught up in the fact that I just can't seem to be as good as I so desire to be. Thank you for reminding me that God loves me even when I am not "perfect".
Carrie
By the way...I found your blog through Mckmama's blog.
thank you shann for saying what most of us as christians hide deep in our hearts. we are all sinners saved by grace. sometimes our heart gets so full of boxes of clutter. boxes of fear over things we can't control, boxes of wishing people would act like we want them to, boxes of self-doubt, boxes of not taking care of ourselves like God wishes we would, boxes of hurtful love, boxes of false pretenses...I pray that all of our boxes don't hinder us from seeing over them to the eyes of our God. I pray for you this day that you can clearly see through the eyes of faith our God whose grace cleanses and lifts us up to Him.
Yup, i love you....you nut!
(fron another nut...sinner, whatever you want to call me)
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