Grieving

(This email is being sent to ALL addresses within Linda Tamanaha, Shannon Pinkard & Stacy Mantia’s contacts. Because I do not know each person on those lists….please excuse if this was sent to you & your relationship to the below is not appropriate.)

Hi Friends and Family

I am writing to you on behalf of the Tamanaha/Pinkard/Mantia Family to let you know of the unexpected passing of their mom, Linda last Friday. And to fill you in on a few details regarding Linda's passing. Most of you have no idea who I am and that's okay, the main thing you need to know is that I am a close family friend and that I have a deep connection and love for Linda and Eddie as well as Shannon, Stacy, Chad and their families. I just wanted to do this for them as it would relieve one more thing from the "to do" list that seems to be mounting as seconds tick by and to ease the difficulty of having to share this with you. With that said, for those of you who don't know, early last year Linda was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure (CHF); however, the doctors were not quite sure of the cause of the CHF and were running several different tests to rule out many of the common factors that are associated with CHF. When I last visited with Linda on Maui last July, she was in great spirits and was showing symptoms of CHF but they weren't bad. In December, after a complete run down of her health history and several blood draws, scans, and x-rays, Linda was diagnosed with Amyloidosis. Amyloidosis is a group of diseases that result from a particular protein, called amyloid, depositing itself in different tissues of the body. Amyloid protein can be deposited in a certain area and may not be harmful or only affect a single tissue of the body; however, in hearing the bits and pieces of all that Linda was suffering with in the last week of her life I believe, after my own research and conversations with a friend of mine who is a doctor, it seems that Linda's CHF was a result of Primary Amyloidosis; the form of Amyloidosis that is not localized but deposits Amyloids in several different organs causing them to weaken and eventually fail.


For those of you who know Linda personally, you know the type of person she is. She is definitely not a quitter and she likes to get things done without procrastinating. I am most certain that she knew exactly what she was battling. I also have no doubt that she did her darndest to fight this disease and that she was willing to do what it took to beat it. Linda had a tenacity to get the job done and get it done right, but she also had a side to her that was compassionate and fun. She loved her family and spent her life making sure that they had the best that she had to offer. When I visited with her last July, her focus was not on herself but on the minor health issues that Eddie was having, on the health issues that Shannon was also dealing with, the well being of Stacy & Wayne and of Chad. Her grandchildren meant the world to her and she took every opportunity she had to fly to Nevada to be with them....she spoiled them rotten whenever she had the chance! Personally, over the years, she has been a wonderful friend and at times a very trusted confidant.


In closing, I'd like to ask for your help. Shannon, Stacy and Chad are in need of some financial help to get home to be together with Eddie as a family. There is a great deal of sorting through different things that need to be done and a great need to just be together to travel through the grieving process. As it stands right now, they themselves are struggling financially and barely making ends meet within their own families. I am confident that there are those of you who can understand the pain and loss that this is causing and the unbearable feeling of desperation that goes with trying to figure out how to get home when your pockets are empty. I know that many of you, in the last couple of years, have heard Shannon's pleas for financial assistance to help pay down most of her medical bills and the bills that have mounted on top of those but this time I'm joining her and the rest of the family in seeking your help. First and foremost I am asking that you pray and believe. Pray and believe that God will heal their broken hearts and fill in any gaps that are there, Pray and believe that God will provide peace and comfort as each on walks through their own process of grieving and lastly pray and believe that God will provide for the emotional and financial needs of this family. If there is any way you can assist financially, whether it be a dollar or a hundred dollars, now is the time to extend your graciousness. For those of you who cannot monetarily help, maybe you have some miles stored up somewhere that is not enough to use for a trip right now but can be donated or maybe you are connected to someone who works for the airlines and is able to get a cheaper confirmed rate. Whatever you can do to help out, I know it will be a blessing and simply honor the person Linda was and will always be to her family and to those of us who loved her.


Drina Labasan

I'm Asking Your Permission...

to be human.

'You need to know that you are an inspiration to me and so many other people. You're example has helped turn my life around and back to God again. The way you have walked through cancer has been done with such grace.' --- these are just a few examples of what has been expressed to me over the past couple years.

But then there's this...

"Peter said, "Master, I'm ready for anything with you. I'd go to jail for you. I'd die for you!" Jesus said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Peter, but before the rooster crows you will have three times denied that you know me." -Luke 22:33-34

This is me. I am Peter. Although, his three is to my uncountable times that I have denied my Lord. It pains me to daily know how I am not only sinning, but denying the One who forgives me unendlessly.

I'm asking your permission to be human.

I never want to give off false pretenses of who I am. I am a sinner. Day in and day out. In the midst of my 'unbelievable faith' , as some would say.....I sin. I deny my Jesus. Over and over and over again. Do I want to be a great example for His Kingdom? Without a doubt. BUT. Without any false pretenses.

I am asking your permission to be human.

So know that although I may 'talk the talk'....like everyone else....I struggle to 'walk the walk'. But it is my deepest, most rooted desire to be able to just be a portion of what so many perceive me to be. I am an open wound that continuously needs the balm of the One & Only Healer. But, I am a sinner. I make choices that don't consist of turning in the direction of the Light.

I'm asking your permission to be human.

Believe it or not, I do slip up and cuss when I'm upset. Believe it or not, I do yell at my kids way more that I should or would like to. Believe it or not, I get frustrated way to quickly. Believe it or not, I take shortcuts all the time. Believe it or not, I don't take time out everyday to spend time with God. Believe it or not, I give in to food temptation when I'm upset or stressed. Believe it or not, I cry tears of desperation even though I know Jesus has 'got my back'. Believe it or not, I make lots and lots of goals, but then fail to do just one of them in a day. Believe it or not, I screw up each and every day. Believe it or not, I suffer from depression. Believe it or not, I struggle to find balance in my life. Believe it or not, I hate the way I look. Believe it or not, most times I lack will power to accomplish the task(s) at hand. Believe it or not, I shed tears daily. Believe it or not, I envy and have great jealousy towards others. Believe it or not, I argue with my husband all the time because I haven't learned to just stop talking. Believe it or not, even with where my God has taken me in the past 2 years...I struggle to always share openly about Him to those closest to me. Believe it or not, I am addicted to a few things that don't amount to nothing in the bigger scheme of things (Starbucks, duh. Facebook. Computer in general. And chocolate). Believe it or not, believe it or not, believe it or not.

I am so thankful that He allows me to be human because...

believe it or not....

He loves me the way I am.

Will you?

A Makeover

I love to rearrange. Although, I can't do it like I used to. I like when things are new and fresh. Since I'm limited on the physical type of rearranging...I do it where I can...on the computer is an easy choice.

So I thought it was about time for make-over here. I find when I am working on making things 'new'...God tends to do the same within me. And I know that I can always use a bit of freshening up. ;)

Hope you likey...

Every Breath

It's been tough this week to 'feel' my God. I absolutely love when my heart is full of His goodness, His peace, His assurance, His everything. But there are times that we are called just to 'do' His will. We are not always going to be able to 'feel' Him.

Have you heard the phrase, 'love is a choice'? The definition of choice is: the act of choosing. The ACT. It's action. Love is an action, not a feeling. If you think about it the feeling part of love is just an added benefit that we have been given. So when it comes to my love for God, when I'm not feeling it....I still need to choose to love Him. I need to turn my love into the action I am called to do.

It hasn't been easy. But I have been rewarded. Over and over again I have been reminded these past few days to be thankful. Okay, seriously, how am I supposed to do this with everything crumbling??!!!?! Well, here it is...

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -I Thessalonians 4 :15

With every breath I am to be joyful, pray continually and give thanks....IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES!!! For this is His will for me. I am not asked, I am told. Just like I tell my children something to do....He expects me to do it. For two reasons....He loves me and He knows what's best.

Here's a little Shannon trivia that many don't know about me. I love Gospel Music. Always have. NO, not because of Roy....he loves hard rock (a little Roy trivia:)). This week there has been one song that has kept me focused. I can't tell you how many times I have listened to it. It has reminded me of where my focus needs to be at ALL times.

(Jimmy, Thank you my dear, sweet friend. You continue to minister to my soul. You have helped me through a very tough week. I am blessed to call you friend and even more honored to call you brother. Love you!!!)

Surviving

Life is unbearable right now. These past few days have been torture. And looking ahead there will be no let up. It is coming at us from all angles. What I share here and on my other site are just pieces of the whole picture. I have truly learned the meaning of the word, ‘surviving’. Please continue to pray for us as our world is tumbling down all around us. My sweet husband is choosing to walk this road trying to navigate it by himself. I cannot imagine his heart. Mine is torn apart and I have my sweet Savior holding it. Thank you to those who have reached out and let me know you were praying. I am clinging to the knowledge that I have so many loving us. Thank you!

(In the midst of everything happening within our home….I have, yet, had more negative comments/judgments. To these people: please realize that I try with everything I have to ‘choose the right words’. I want so much to share, but more so, to share Him. I have prayed and prayed over discontinuing my sites. But that’s just my heart being wounded. My head knows what God has called me to do…share this journey…for it is just a piece of His Story. So please, be gentle with your words & attitudes…for I am very fragile)

Update 1/11/08

Earlier today I did post a new update. Within a couple of hours, after talking with Roy and some time in prayer....I deleted it. For most of you, you did not even get a chance to read it. That's for the best. But for the few who did....I have a request. Please take into consideration the sensitivity of the material I spoke of. Please use your discretion. I know most of you come here only for the medical updates....so I try to find a balance and be sensitive with the amount of 'faith' I put out here. That being said....I do believe those of you who DID read the update were meant to read it. God saw my heart when I posted it. And I do believe He continues to be in control of our lives.

I realize the majority of you are confused by what I just said....just know that we are in need of great prayer right now. Things are not well at all. NO the cancer is not back. The post was NOT health related. But there are great things happening that are out of our control. I ask that you pray for Roy and I as we make decisions for our family that will affect a great part of our lives.

Also....a minor thing in the big scheme of everything...last night I felt the beginning of my back 'doing it's thing'. After going through the day...I'm fearing I am in the next stage of what is going to happen with my spine. If you remember...my doc said I will have a progression of the evidence of my spine being covered/eaten by the cancer. On top of everything I was alluding to above....I have been in tremendous 'new' pain today. And anytime my back acts up...there are the 'big' headaches to go along.

Sorry to come across as whiny....but we are weak right now in the face of all the enemy is still bringing on. We feel like every time we have a grasp to stand up...we are slammed down again. So the prayers you lift on our behave are so appreciated

Thank you all so much

www.shannonsjourney.com

Christmas Eve with My Clowns ;)

I haven't had a chance to post these until now. My three oldest played around for about an hour before they settled down for Santa to come. All I can say if 'goofballs'. I wish I had video taped them so you could hear them too. Enjoy!!!


Tala, Tylor & Torryn


I asked Torryn to pose for me and this is what I got...


Tala on the other hand is never afraid to pose :)


Ehhhh, I can't hear you


I love this pic...all of them totally doing their own thing.


Tala practicing her ballet skills


Ty was seriously 'into' all the fun


Torryn being a reindeer


Their karate skills were hilarious to say the least!


I love me some fun with these crazy kids!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAKAI

You are my miracle baby! Everyone who knows the whole story behind your birth, knows what a miracle you are. God has a purpose far beyond what I could dream for you. Just look at all you've done in 2 years. People from all over the world are believing in His greatness just a little bit more because of you.

And to think....He saved you twice within 4 months. My miracle baby.

I am so, so blessed to be your mommy. Your smile just lights up a room. I cannot tell you how many times a day I hear from people just what a special boy you are. You radiate such happiness.

The past 2 years with you have been so full. As I have battled my disease...you have been a constant source of joy for our family. Each of us adores you. At times we fight over who gets to hold you, sit by you or just be with you. You are our real life baby doll.

I am so in love with you my tiny little man. Happy Birthday, Honey!!!

2 Year Anniversary

A year ago today I wrote this post reflecting on my 1 year mark of my diagnosis. Here I am today reminiscing over the 2ND one. So much has gone on. So much so that time seems to have flown by. Don't get me wrong. There are times, moments, that seem to drag out as the enemy attempts to bring me down.

If I had to sum up the 1st year in one word, it would have to be 'miracles'.

The 2ND would easily be described as 'toilsome'.

It's the aftermath. I've said it before. The combo of physical, emotional, mental & spiritual thrown together with trying to live a 'normal' life within this world, interacting with people who just don't 'get it' and wanting to be the best that you are meant to be....has just about pushed me over the edge. (The edge of what? Yeah, I don't know...just a figure of speech...for effect :))

But I have chosen joy.

I can't lie. The joy is not always felt. But it is something I choose. Consciously. It is the only way I know to survive this toilsome march I seem to be on. The Disciples were not instantly given This Joy. They had times full of failure, disappointment, denial, desertion & hopelessness. It was in the hope, waiting & courage that joy became their reward.

Joy is the reward that I seek. Some days I see it in the midst of my dark days. Some days I see it in my children's' smiles. Some days I hear it from your words. Some days I am given it in the form of a blessing from the totally unexpected. Some days I struggle to grasp just a twinkle of it. Some days I know He is smiling at my faithfulness. Because it truly is pure. Just as I long for Pure Joy.

I know I am in a place that He has seen since the beginning of time. My life may not be full of tangible joy. But this year sure has brought me to a place where I can grasp what True Joy is all about. This year has grown me to new heights in my understanding of my Savior. For it is because of Him that I am even here typing these words.....

Joy.
True Joy.

Update 12/27/08

I pray your Christmas was a time of more than hustle & bustle. That you were able to grab a few moments to reflect on the Ultimate Gift we received many years ago in the form of a tiny baby.

I will not lie, with four kids it is easy to get caught up in the 'fun' of Christmas. And it truly is a joy to see them happy. Not just from the gifts...but it's been so much fun having Tylor home for Christmas. Roy's had some days off...so family time has been great!!!

I wanted to come on today with the sole purpose of updating on my friend Barbara. So many of you have embraced this friend & her family in your love & prayers. I know what it means to have many 'on your side'. Thank you will never seem enough.

Here's the latest update that I received a few days ago from her parents.

We've had 10 more bonus days with Barbara! Praise the Lord! Each day has special memories, laughs, hugs and tears but we are treasuring them! Barbara's symptoms seem to get just a little worse each day. Her good side (left) has a little tingling now like the right side started out. She is still very aware of everything and talks to us very well. That's a praise from where she was last week! And the biggest praise in the middle of all this is that she is NOT in pain! That in itself is a miracle and grace from the Lord!

Her spirits are mostly good but she is frustrated of this situation. Pray for her for Peace. There is still hope for a miracle healing. Your prayers, love and concern are so precious to us all.

God is Good to provide in abundance for our needs.
Love, Kathy and Lynn

Have a great weekend! Shannon