Abnormal

Abnormal pap. These are the words I just heard. I have yet to share with anyone. Deep breathes. I am having to take some in order to process it all. It could mean nothing. But it could mean something.

This journey that God has allowed has not come to an end. I so want a new chapter. No actually, a whole new book. I'm tired of the 'cancer' book. But then again, I'm familiar with this one. The next one would just be something new and maybe, scarier.

So, no, I think I've changed my mind. Let's stay here. With the familiar. It might be uncertain. But I know Who holds it. The same One who went before me with my original diagnosis. The same One who held my hand while my kids were in the hospital. The same One who Knows all.

He is not surprised by these results. He knows what has caused them and what will come of them. I need not worry about it. But I will. So my desire is to bring this worry and lay it at His feet. Walk away with it there. Not to pick it up again.

Lord, my heart is heavier than it should be today with these results. You have given me every opportunity to learned how to place it all at your feet. I struggle with this news. More cancer. Really?! You said in the beginning that the journey would not be short. But I had an opportunity to praise you along the way. Well, here I am again. Challenge to do just that. So as hard as it is, I want to proclaim praise for this 'turn of events'. I'm scared and worried. But You are always for me and never against me. You always go before me in everything. You are not surprised by any of this. Please open my heart to hear you through all this. Use it all for your glory. It is my journey, but it continues to be your story.