Balance

Balance. It's what is on my mind pretty much all the time.

The balance of having 4 kids home everyday and what to do for/with them. The balance of taking time for myself in the craziness of our schedule this summer. The balance of time spent on the computer updating and journaling. The balance of investing in others lives, as this is always important. The balance of taking care of medical needs...again, in the craziness of my schedule. The balance of spending time learning and growing in His ways and allowing Him to seep into every part of where the balancing becomes unsteady.

Balancing is a juggling act.

Many of you have asked more specifics about my surgery. Right now, honestly, I am trying not to be to depressed about it...and not in the way you may think.

Some of you know that I love, love, love my OB. She is one of those people you just adore the moment you meet her. But there's more. She has been with me for 7 years. She has walked with me through a miscarraige, 2 pregnancies and 9 months of an open incision from a c-section (yes....9 months!). Then to add to this, she was the 'one' who started the 'chain' of events connecting me to great doctors throughout this cancer journey. Not many people can say that their gynecologist walked through chemo/cancer with them.

Along with Dr. T, I have been blessed with the friendships of her great staff. She has 2 wonderful women that are, not only faithful to her, but to me. Each one of these women, in my opinion, play an intricate part in my being here today. Did I mention how much I love them too?!!!!

Dr. T is so great that in the past year she started her own practice. V. & B. were brillantly smart to tag along with her. I, of course, followed all 3. I drive to the other end of the state to see them :)....

BUT

My insurance did not follow :(

This is were I am today. My surgery, if done by Dr. T, will have to be paid 100% by me. If not....I have to 'suck it all up' and go with another doctor. I know, I know...some of you are probably saying that it's no big deal and it's just something I gotta get over. But it's not that easy. When you have been and are going through so much medically, you tend to realize when you have a good thing. And in this case...I have the best. And I'm having a hard time swallowing that I may have to settle for 2nd best just because of money.

But it is what it is and I'm praying my way through it right now as I ask many questions and have Dr. T refer me to whom she thinks is a good choice. When the plans are made I will be sure to let you all know. There will be some time before it's all set because I also have to coordinate things with my mom and anyone else who may be helping....I've been told my recovery will be 6-8 weeks (uggh)!

Physically I am still struggling with new things. My ankles are in constant pain. Along with this, my right foot is in some extreme pain most of the time. And the newest is more back pain. I actually woke up this morning and took pain medicine that I haven't taken in over a year.

I will be meeting with my doc next week and discussing all this with him. In talking with Roy, we've concluded a couple of things.....every 6 weeks I take a drug with my chemo that strengthens my bones. While I was on my regimented 6 cycles this drug caused severe pain through my bones each time. Ever since I started my 'maintenance' chemo, it hasn't seemed to give me any problems....BUT the last few times that I have gone - it seems to be when these 'new' symptoms have arose. So maybe I'm becoming sensitive to this drug once again.

We also think my body is just tired. Tired of balancing. When anyone is doing too much they usually get sick in some fashion. Well, maybe, my 'chemo' tired body is just that...tired.
Either way....I'm praying my way through it all.

Life is hard. But I choose joy!
Life is tiring. But I choose joy!
Life is. And I choose joy!