a little note from a friend

Dearest Shannon,

I just want you to know that I pray for you. I am astounded at your strength and tenacity. Truly, it is inconceivable to me to imagine how you and your family gets through the days. Thank you for staying strong as you continue ' the fight' on so many fronts. You are a light and a witness to me. God must know how special you are as He calls you to shine so consistently through adversity. You are truly His and you are blessed and loved. Thank you for allowing me to walk alongside of you. I trust that your hope will remain strong and that God will heal. May sin not be allowed a stronghold and may you find a sweet comfort today from the Holy Spirit.

Love, "B"

I was blessed this past week. I have carried this card with me everywhere. It looks worn. Probably because it has rotated from purse to diaper bag to Bible and back again. But mostly from me reading it so many times. Sometimes in it's entirety, others just a quick glance to catch a sentence or two. It's a simple note that is quite complex. Every sentence challenges me. Surprisingly, while it carries me. How can someone feel this way about me? Me? The one who fails so miserably to do the things that I so desperately want to do for His kingdom.

More time with my kids in prayer.
More time in prayer for my kids.
More time writing down my journey.
More time talking about this journey.
More time dating my hubby.
More time doing 'fun stuff' with my kids.
More time just being still.
More time truly living.
More time sharing His amazing love.
His grace.
His power.
His miracles.
His peace, understanding, sacrifice.
More time investing in what I never took the time for before.
More time loving my loved ones.
More time.

If only I had more time to be the person that "B" portrays. I want to be this person. Am I on some level? I feel like it's this split personality kind of thing. When I dig deep I think everyone tends to do this. I watch my kids and know that even the innocent do it. Who we are, and what we show others may be different at times.

I've had to dig deep with my self esteem this week. This is where the 'challenge' of this note comes in. And I've concluded to say, "Thanks for the wonderful blessing of your words, 'B'. No, I'm so not this person you perceive me to be. I fail everyday to be this person. But to you I am her. And it's only because of Him. I am thankful that He allows me to be her to you. He is the one that uses my weaknesses and failures and somehow turns them for His glory."

There have been others that have said similar things to me. I'm forever grateful that I have been allowed to be a tool for His kingdom. I am thankful, grateful, humbled and honest to tell you...it's Him. You are not seeing me. You are seeing Him. I am but a servant. Broken. Very, very broken right now. It is only because He holds me together do I seem to have it together.

I feel my weakness and failure so many times throughout my 'tough' days. The words from this note carried me this week. He rewarded me with more stamina than I woke up with. He put more determination in my step because of what I read. The challenge to 'be' this person carried me in every move I made.

And what I think is kinda cool.....I actually think that "B" is so much more this person than I. As so many of you are. It's with so much gratitude that I say my prayers at night for the people that God has placed in my life to be these shining examples. But maybe this is how He meant the world to go round....Yes, yes it is....we will be allowed to see a glimpse of Him as long as our hearts longs for His.

Even in our weaknesses and failures.

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " -Philippians 1:3-6

It's now time to leave the comfort of 'cyberspace' and return to actually putting one foot in front of the other.

My goal?

To read this note again and allow it to challenge me once again to strive to be the person that I am perceived to be...for she is truly a woman after God's own heart.

Oh, how I want to be her.

To everyone.

Even myself.

Especially to my God.