Yeah, I am forever grateful for being here. Some people don't even have a clue. Rather, most people. Because we fail to really talk. But if I had the opportunity to share with each and every person along my path...Wow! It would be enough to turn some hearts. But our society closes themselves off to the 'uncomfortable' in the area of feelings. It's sad, really. Because what God has done just in my life alone should be enough to stop anyone in their tracks. Let alone what is evident just by looking around at our world of beauty. I know, I know....there is so much 'ugly' in our world today. And that's exactly what my heart is having a hard time getting past in these present days of mine.
As you & I both know...cancer sucks! Big time. But what most people look past is the aftermath that this horrid disease leaves behind. Again, I don't need to be reminded of my insurmountable blessings. I think, ponder, pray and talk with God about them nonstop. Sometimes the weight of what I have been given does actually weigh me down. What is so special about me that He would see fit to bless me in such a HUGE way? So, no, I don't take any of it for granted, not one little bit.
But the aftermath is just as unbearable, if not more, that walking the actual road of knowing the cancer is present within. But the flip side of it is the faith I have been allowed to grow. If not for the weight of uncertainty, I would not be grasping for His hand each and every step.
But the aftermath is very, very lonely. People tend to fade away. Going back to their own lives. Picking up where they dropped everything on your behalf. But it's lonely trying to figure out just how I am supposed to pick up. Because when this started is when I left the world I lived in behind. No one else has had to do this. (don't worry, I do know there are many who have it much worse than I do....I'm just saying...most go back to there lives as they knew before.) I will never have the chance to 'go back'.
The aftermath is killing me inside. How to explain to people that I am slowly dieing in the physical, emotional and mental sense....but am loving my Father like never before?! While the rest of me is fading slowly, my soul is flourishing.
So today as I read,
"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:18
I was reminded to be thankful for the aftermath. All of it.
Every heartache.
Every physically pain staking day.
Every lonely time.
Every tantrum...my kids AND my own. :)
Every bill.
Every trek out in the cold.
Every relationship...the one's that are holding strong AND the one's that have faded away.
Every hurtful comment.
Every misconception.
Every judgement against me.
Every late night.
Every disappointment.
Every scare.
Everything.
I am called to be thankful for it all. And as hard as it is, I say thank you to my God for it all.
Because, I do, belong to Christ Jesus.
No comments:
Post a Comment