Losing My Long Locks

When most of us think of cancer, we immediately wonder about hair. Huh? Yes, hair. Everyone wants to know if the person is going to loss their hair.

I learned how naive I really was when I started this journey. I thought everyone lost theirs. But actually, it has to do with only a couple of chemo drugs that cause it. Granted, they are very common ones. But it opened my eyes to the fact that their are many, many people walking amongst us that are going through cancer without us even knowing because they still have their hair.

For me, I am one of the lucky ones....I lost my hair.

Lucky, or as I like to refer to it...blessed. The lessons I have learned through this one small part of my journey have been life changing. Don't get me wrong, I did NOT want to loss my hair. I have gone through life with hair down to my behind. I have had short hair only once and hated it. So losing my hair brought about very high anxiety just thinking about it. Also, the fact that I had only about 3-4 weeks to prepare for it didn't help. (It usually happens after the first treatment or 2.)

Along with my own feelings, I was concerned for my 6 year old daughter. She was bound to have some issues with the whole experience. How does one go about doing all this if front of watchful eyes? Thankfully, with the advice of a good friend, I was able to 'tackle' this challenge with a little bit of 'style'.

I chose to have my kids be a part of the whole thing from the start. We were upfront about what was going to happen and why. We told them that losing my hair was a blessing. It meant that the 'big medicine' (what we called my chemo) was doing it's job. I was blessed with many wigs. They are all styles, lengths and colors. I have had a blast having a different look everyday. I can go from being a brunette to a blonde to a red head. How fun!

The funny thing is that I wanted to go about this obstacle with some dignity and grace (mostly for Tala's sake). But in the end, God is teaching me one of the biggest lessons of my life.

"Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor."

- Proverbs 18:12

Cancer is showing me how proud my heart truly is. And it is my downfall. I am thankful that I have been given this opportunity to change my prideful ways. Having clumps of hair fall out and see it all over is a lesson in humility if I have ever seen one. It would be easy for God to 'remove' the hair issue from cancer. What I mean is that He could make it so none of us has to loss our hair while going through this. But He hasn't. Maybe because they go hand in hand to aide us in learning how to honor Him.

They both together allow us to see our downfall, learn to surrender our pride and with true humility, learn to honor Him with everything that is left....a heart ready to receive Him with no reservations.

Yes, losing my hair has been, by far, one of the toughest things I have had to go through emotionally. But I will forever be grateful for this unique opportunity to learn the true meaning of humility.

Thank You

To my dear Friends

How sad it is that I'm resorting to this tacky way of saying Thank You. But I know you all understand that my time is limited right now. And the little I have is being spent with my kids and taking naps:) I have for many days been trying to get to the writing of cards...but a good friend told me to not even worry about it. Of course, I still can't stop thinking about it and all of you. So I came up with a compromise for myself. Please don't think of yourself or your actions as tacky as my gesture to Thank You.

Stephanie: Thank you for your willingness to have Tala over and take her to dance on Tuesdays. She loves going to your house and playing. I appreciate your sensitivity to her sweet spirit and for loving her with a mother's heart.

Wendy: Wow! I have been given so much, that I was so thankful for your thoughtfulness for my kids. They loved their gifts...and I appreciated that you even wrapped them. You, too, loved my children with such a mother's love.
Thanks! (And when time presents itself, I will be trying to call you for advice on some of the stuff you mentioned in your email to me.)

Karen: It's sad that it takes something like this for us to be in touch with each other again...but I was so glad to talk to you. And what a surprise to get the booties (which will always be a keepsake for Takai) and for my afghan that I know you made with love. I will cuddle with a smile. Mahalo

Denise: What can I say to a lady with your sweet spirit?! You mean so much to me. I do thank God for you and how you fervently hold me up to Him daily. When I think of you I have no doubt of your commitment to be with me through this whole journey. Everyone should have a sister like you to look up to. (Thank you also for the little but big things that you are doing...like writing Thank You notes for me to others...how thoughtful.)

Amy: It's amazing how we see each other every few years, but still feel close to one another because of our special connection. Thanks for the CD. What a nice and unexpected gift. Thanks for thinking of me and what my spirit might be needing right now.

Kathy & Lee: You guys are awesome. LeeAnn already told you we would love to have your table and chairs. Thanks for thinking of us. It's beautiful and I am so excited. Thank you for being so giving.

Betty: Your quilt is Torryn and my's new nap time blankie. So unexpected!! Secretly you have to know that I have always wanted one of your quilts...now I got one. Thank you for immediately thinking of me. When Susan told me about it I was so excited. And now it's here and I'm still excited when I see it and cuddle with it.

Jimmy & Shawyne: I loooove being in touch with you guys again. Thank you for your gift. It was very thoughtful. I can't begin to thank you both though for all your prayers. Like my friend, Denise, I know you are going to Him on my behave many, many times over. I love you!

Jen & Julie: How can I thank you two for the unbelievable gift of your giving. The Garage Sale, everything at Grace, loving me and my family, taking care of us last week when my Mom was sick, etc, etc, etc. In such a short time you have come to mean so much to me. I smile every time I think of either of you. Thank you both so much....and please relay to your families how much I DO NOT take their sacrifice of you being away from them for granted. They are special people too!!!!!

Susan, Antoinette & Julie: I love you!!! Thank you for being there for me in so many ways. You are and forever will be My Girls...need I say more?!

The Daughters, the Dunbars & the Thompsons: To my faithful prayer warriors. I know that I am never far from your minds and hearts. Thank you mommys and daddys for teaching your little ones how important it is to think of others and to pray for them. I just love that they are praying for me too. Please tell them that I love them.

LeeAnn: What can I say to my friend who is helping me hold it all together through all of this. There really are no words. Our friendship started out just being that...a friendship. I am so thankful that He brought us together as
sisters. Thank you for being there for everything and willing to do anything. I don't know how other people make it without one of you in their lives. I truly cherish you!

Mom: How do you thank someone for giving up their own life for you to have yours. You truly do resemble Christ in your love and actions towards me.

Roy: You never leave me in the hospitals, you are holding my heart so tenderly through this, you are giving up yourself's comforts for others to invade, you are getting to know your kids with the 'feminine' side of you for me, and you are doing it all for me. I love you!

Again, I know this is a tacky way to go about thanking all of you for so much that means the world to me. But I truly do appreciate all of you and everything you have done for me and my family throughout the beginning part of this
journey.

In Him,Shannon