I'm Asking Your Permission...

to be human.

'You need to know that you are an inspiration to me and so many other people. You're example has helped turn my life around and back to God again. The way you have walked through cancer has been done with such grace.' --- these are just a few examples of what has been expressed to me over the past couple years.

But then there's this...

"Peter said, "Master, I'm ready for anything with you. I'd go to jail for you. I'd die for you!" Jesus said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Peter, but before the rooster crows you will have three times denied that you know me." -Luke 22:33-34

This is me. I am Peter. Although, his three is to my uncountable times that I have denied my Lord. It pains me to daily know how I am not only sinning, but denying the One who forgives me unendlessly.

I'm asking your permission to be human.

I never want to give off false pretenses of who I am. I am a sinner. Day in and day out. In the midst of my 'unbelievable faith' , as some would say.....I sin. I deny my Jesus. Over and over and over again. Do I want to be a great example for His Kingdom? Without a doubt. BUT. Without any false pretenses.

I am asking your permission to be human.

So know that although I may 'talk the talk'....like everyone else....I struggle to 'walk the walk'. But it is my deepest, most rooted desire to be able to just be a portion of what so many perceive me to be. I am an open wound that continuously needs the balm of the One & Only Healer. But, I am a sinner. I make choices that don't consist of turning in the direction of the Light.

I'm asking your permission to be human.

Believe it or not, I do slip up and cuss when I'm upset. Believe it or not, I do yell at my kids way more that I should or would like to. Believe it or not, I get frustrated way to quickly. Believe it or not, I take shortcuts all the time. Believe it or not, I don't take time out everyday to spend time with God. Believe it or not, I give in to food temptation when I'm upset or stressed. Believe it or not, I cry tears of desperation even though I know Jesus has 'got my back'. Believe it or not, I make lots and lots of goals, but then fail to do just one of them in a day. Believe it or not, I screw up each and every day. Believe it or not, I suffer from depression. Believe it or not, I struggle to find balance in my life. Believe it or not, I hate the way I look. Believe it or not, most times I lack will power to accomplish the task(s) at hand. Believe it or not, I shed tears daily. Believe it or not, I envy and have great jealousy towards others. Believe it or not, I argue with my husband all the time because I haven't learned to just stop talking. Believe it or not, even with where my God has taken me in the past 2 years...I struggle to always share openly about Him to those closest to me. Believe it or not, I am addicted to a few things that don't amount to nothing in the bigger scheme of things (Starbucks, duh. Facebook. Computer in general. And chocolate). Believe it or not, believe it or not, believe it or not.

I am so thankful that He allows me to be human because...

believe it or not....

He loves me the way I am.

Will you?

A Makeover

I love to rearrange. Although, I can't do it like I used to. I like when things are new and fresh. Since I'm limited on the physical type of rearranging...I do it where I can...on the computer is an easy choice.

So I thought it was about time for make-over here. I find when I am working on making things 'new'...God tends to do the same within me. And I know that I can always use a bit of freshening up. ;)

Hope you likey...

Every Breath

It's been tough this week to 'feel' my God. I absolutely love when my heart is full of His goodness, His peace, His assurance, His everything. But there are times that we are called just to 'do' His will. We are not always going to be able to 'feel' Him.

Have you heard the phrase, 'love is a choice'? The definition of choice is: the act of choosing. The ACT. It's action. Love is an action, not a feeling. If you think about it the feeling part of love is just an added benefit that we have been given. So when it comes to my love for God, when I'm not feeling it....I still need to choose to love Him. I need to turn my love into the action I am called to do.

It hasn't been easy. But I have been rewarded. Over and over again I have been reminded these past few days to be thankful. Okay, seriously, how am I supposed to do this with everything crumbling??!!!?! Well, here it is...

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -I Thessalonians 4 :15

With every breath I am to be joyful, pray continually and give thanks....IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES!!! For this is His will for me. I am not asked, I am told. Just like I tell my children something to do....He expects me to do it. For two reasons....He loves me and He knows what's best.

Here's a little Shannon trivia that many don't know about me. I love Gospel Music. Always have. NO, not because of Roy....he loves hard rock (a little Roy trivia:)). This week there has been one song that has kept me focused. I can't tell you how many times I have listened to it. It has reminded me of where my focus needs to be at ALL times.

(Jimmy, Thank you my dear, sweet friend. You continue to minister to my soul. You have helped me through a very tough week. I am blessed to call you friend and even more honored to call you brother. Love you!!!)

Surviving

Life is unbearable right now. These past few days have been torture. And looking ahead there will be no let up. It is coming at us from all angles. What I share here and on my other site are just pieces of the whole picture. I have truly learned the meaning of the word, ‘surviving’. Please continue to pray for us as our world is tumbling down all around us. My sweet husband is choosing to walk this road trying to navigate it by himself. I cannot imagine his heart. Mine is torn apart and I have my sweet Savior holding it. Thank you to those who have reached out and let me know you were praying. I am clinging to the knowledge that I have so many loving us. Thank you!

(In the midst of everything happening within our home….I have, yet, had more negative comments/judgments. To these people: please realize that I try with everything I have to ‘choose the right words’. I want so much to share, but more so, to share Him. I have prayed and prayed over discontinuing my sites. But that’s just my heart being wounded. My head knows what God has called me to do…share this journey…for it is just a piece of His Story. So please, be gentle with your words & attitudes…for I am very fragile)

Update 1/11/08

Earlier today I did post a new update. Within a couple of hours, after talking with Roy and some time in prayer....I deleted it. For most of you, you did not even get a chance to read it. That's for the best. But for the few who did....I have a request. Please take into consideration the sensitivity of the material I spoke of. Please use your discretion. I know most of you come here only for the medical updates....so I try to find a balance and be sensitive with the amount of 'faith' I put out here. That being said....I do believe those of you who DID read the update were meant to read it. God saw my heart when I posted it. And I do believe He continues to be in control of our lives.

I realize the majority of you are confused by what I just said....just know that we are in need of great prayer right now. Things are not well at all. NO the cancer is not back. The post was NOT health related. But there are great things happening that are out of our control. I ask that you pray for Roy and I as we make decisions for our family that will affect a great part of our lives.

Also....a minor thing in the big scheme of everything...last night I felt the beginning of my back 'doing it's thing'. After going through the day...I'm fearing I am in the next stage of what is going to happen with my spine. If you remember...my doc said I will have a progression of the evidence of my spine being covered/eaten by the cancer. On top of everything I was alluding to above....I have been in tremendous 'new' pain today. And anytime my back acts up...there are the 'big' headaches to go along.

Sorry to come across as whiny....but we are weak right now in the face of all the enemy is still bringing on. We feel like every time we have a grasp to stand up...we are slammed down again. So the prayers you lift on our behave are so appreciated

Thank you all so much

www.shannonsjourney.com

Christmas Eve with My Clowns ;)

I haven't had a chance to post these until now. My three oldest played around for about an hour before they settled down for Santa to come. All I can say if 'goofballs'. I wish I had video taped them so you could hear them too. Enjoy!!!


Tala, Tylor & Torryn


I asked Torryn to pose for me and this is what I got...


Tala on the other hand is never afraid to pose :)


Ehhhh, I can't hear you


I love this pic...all of them totally doing their own thing.


Tala practicing her ballet skills


Ty was seriously 'into' all the fun


Torryn being a reindeer


Their karate skills were hilarious to say the least!


I love me some fun with these crazy kids!!!