"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is an update of reflection.
One year ago today I received the 'news'....I had cancer.
How does one deal with that. It was very surreal at the time and even so now. I can't even believe where I have been in the past 365 days. But yet these days have changed me more than any others in my lifetime. They have, by far, been the hardest but the best.
My body went form healthy to very sick to healed. I have watched, helplessly, as my children were out of my 'helping' hands and could have died. I have a whole new understanding of pain and what it feels like to go through it over and over again. I know what it means to have no control. Being at the 'mercy' of others 24/7 has taken on new meaning to me. I have become reunited with friends & family of my past. Strangers have become a vital part of my everyday life now....as new friends. The blessings go far beyond what my mind can even fathom. I have seen miracle upon miracle upon miracle. My family is all intact because of these miracles. And my body is doing great compared to where it could be. But most importantly, my heart.
It's taken this year and ALL its experiences to make my heart whole. How can one not walk away from all this a different person? How could I walk this path and not be changed?
Impossible
God truly does use everything to teach us if we let Him. I have been thinking all day about the lessons of this year. And WOW!! It's mind boggling how much He has jam packed into my year. At times I am overwhelmed when I think about everything. I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. A year ago I faced the words 'death' & 'dying' in a whole new way. They were a part of me. And through that time in my life, He taught me what it living was truly about. When one has to actually reach out and 'hold' dying along side living, it becomes a choice. And not in the way one might think. It's not about choosing one or the other....it's about choosing to grab ahold of His Hand and walk the path along side of Him...no matter where it may end.
How thankful I am that for now He has healed me and given me the chance to partner with Roy to love & raise our children. No mother could ask for anything more.
But more importantly....I want to continue to hold His Hand.
My love to each of you, Shannon
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Judson in the arms of Jesus
It is with great sadness that I give you the words from Judson's CaringBridge site:
Dear friends and family...
We ushered Judson into the arms of Jesus around 11:30 am this morning.
We do not grieve as those without hope.
In His Loving Embrace,Christina and Drake
Sunday, November 4, 2007
URGENT Prayer for Jud
Family & Friends
I am coming to you tonight, not for me, but on behalf of a very precious little boy. I have mentioned him to you before. But tonight I come to you with urgency. Please take a few moments to get to know him and his fight with Krabbe disease. He seems to physically be near the end...maybe only a day or two. He needs your prayers.
Please go to his website: www.caringbridge.org/visit/judson
Read about his family and the journey they have been on.
And most importantly, join in with me in holding him before the Throne. God has shown me He truly is able to heal. Let us pray for a miracle in Jud's little body.
Much love and gratitude
I am coming to you tonight, not for me, but on behalf of a very precious little boy. I have mentioned him to you before. But tonight I come to you with urgency. Please take a few moments to get to know him and his fight with Krabbe disease. He seems to physically be near the end...maybe only a day or two. He needs your prayers.
Please go to his website: www.caringbridge.org/visit/judson
Read about his family and the journey they have been on.
And most importantly, join in with me in holding him before the Throne. God has shown me He truly is able to heal. Let us pray for a miracle in Jud's little body.
Much love and gratitude
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Facing Giants (women's retreat)
David faced a giant & won the battle because he simply trusted God. But when we face our ‘giants’ we find it much easier to be absorb in self pity and we simply forget about the whole picture. The ‘giants’ I have faced these past 9 months have been enough to overwhelm & suffocate anyone. How have I made it? How have I survived these moments?
Since Dec. 29th I have been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer(it had spread to many other parts of my body), had a baby, gone through chemo, my 6 year old was hospitalized & diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, my baby the same day was hospitalized with a rare growth in his throat and needed surgery, a blood clot was in half my arm for 2 months, a lesion was found on my brain, had radiation surgery done by Gamma Knife to my brain (4 screws attach a ‘halo’ to my head), & finally, a bilateral mastectomy was performed just 3 weeks ago.
Along side all my ‘giants’ have been miracles to match. My children were, literally, saved from death numerous times & I am cancer free! We need to be reminded to take off Satan’s binoculars and see the whole picture. He has a way of putting binoculars on us so all we focus on is our situation. He wants us to forget about the bigger picture…the whole picture. His goal is to take God’s promises from us and make it seem as if the circumstances are out of our control. Satan loves to magnify the negative.
We are undeserving, but God loves us enough to carry us through any situation. Satan may bring on these terrible times, but it is crucial to listen to the Voice of Truth. Our purpose is only to worship and honor Him. What better time to do it than during these times of tribulation. All the other stuff is just chaos that Satan tries to trap us with. God wants to be glorified in it ALL. It’s not easy, but it is simple. Grab a hold of the true path. I did and look at what God has done so far. David did and look what happened.
Since Dec. 29th I have been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer(it had spread to many other parts of my body), had a baby, gone through chemo, my 6 year old was hospitalized & diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, my baby the same day was hospitalized with a rare growth in his throat and needed surgery, a blood clot was in half my arm for 2 months, a lesion was found on my brain, had radiation surgery done by Gamma Knife to my brain (4 screws attach a ‘halo’ to my head), & finally, a bilateral mastectomy was performed just 3 weeks ago.
Along side all my ‘giants’ have been miracles to match. My children were, literally, saved from death numerous times & I am cancer free! We need to be reminded to take off Satan’s binoculars and see the whole picture. He has a way of putting binoculars on us so all we focus on is our situation. He wants us to forget about the bigger picture…the whole picture. His goal is to take God’s promises from us and make it seem as if the circumstances are out of our control. Satan loves to magnify the negative.
We are undeserving, but God loves us enough to carry us through any situation. Satan may bring on these terrible times, but it is crucial to listen to the Voice of Truth. Our purpose is only to worship and honor Him. What better time to do it than during these times of tribulation. All the other stuff is just chaos that Satan tries to trap us with. God wants to be glorified in it ALL. It’s not easy, but it is simple. Grab a hold of the true path. I did and look at what God has done so far. David did and look what happened.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Please pray for Judson
Looking from the outside in to this world we are now in has got to be so, so difficult for our loved ones. So when I am looking in to a world of a little boy who is suffering so greatly, I can hardly bear it.
Judson Levasheff is a 2 year old boy who is enduring great suffering as he progresses through Krabbe Disease. It is a rare, genetic, incurable leukodystrophy. He is slowly losing all functions of every part of his body.
I can't even imagine what his parents are going through. Please pray. Pray for Jud that a miracle of physical healing may touch his body. Pray for endurance for his family as they watch this awful disease take from their son little by little. Pray for Jessie, his sister, to continue to smile and bring joy into their home. Please just pray...
www.caringbridge.org/visit/judson (please feel free to visit their site and let them know you are praying.)
Saturday, July 7, 2007
update 7/7/07
Hello to All
I have learned to accept that this time in my life is all about the unexpected. I don't think I am supposed to get too comfortable in any circumstance or moment.
My surgery is, for the moment, on hold. I was going to the doctor every 3 or 4 days to get my blood work done. In the beginning I was way too thin. Now I cannot seem to get passed being to 'thick'...where I will clot too much. How can this be? Well, remember, I was giving my shots right before I was getting tested. Which means that the drugs in the shots were doing the job. But the one I am taking orally now is not. I seem to be pretty resistant. The plan was to wait it out until I see my doctor on the 27th.......get things under control with my clot.....and then schedule surgery.
Things are a little different now.
Thursday started out rough for me. It was the day the my mom had to go back home to Hawaii. And right before she left, I got a call from my doc with the results from the MRI of the Brain....which I took on Tuesday. Unfortunately, there is a small area of cancer (smaller than a dime) on the right side. I don't know much more than that on the technical side of it. I will be meeting with a new doc on Thursday to have her explain more to me. What I do know is
this.....
My oncologist repeatedly told me not to look at this as a set back or to be worried about this. He feels this was probably there from the beginning...as the brain seems to have an 'umbrella' over it and chemo doesn't reach it. He wants me to go in for a procedure called a Gamma Knife. It is radiation that will help to ride me of this cancerous area. I'm still asking questions and learning right now as to all the details of this whole thing.
I went on Friday for my 2nd Herceptin treatment. It went so well. I had no reactions and was not tired like I have been from the Benedryl they give....so I was able to come home and have energy to enjoy the kids. I also talked with my doctor again and he wants to probable take out the port on my arm, which will help get rid of the blood clot once and for all. He is saying we will do this since I will have to stop the blood thinning medicine in order to do the Gamma Knife anyway, along with the slow progress I am making with the medicine and the fact that they have such a hard time accessing my port.
So I am looking at the next 2 weeks holding these 2 procedures, removing my port & the Gamma Knife. I will also be going in for an MRI of the Breast on Friday. (As long as this one comes back clear there is no need to rush my surgery.) I am thankful that I have some friends coming in from out of town to visit....little did they know that they would get to be apart of all the excitement:)
Please continue to pray for me and my family. We are adjusting to being a family of 5 again. Although we are enjoying that aspect of it, having my mom here for so long seems to have us longing for her. She did such a great job of taking care of all of us. The kids are missing her and cannot wait for her to come back. And Roy & I REALLY think of her in the middle of the night....she was soooo good at getting up with the baby:) Now we're playing solo and feeling the repercussions of being so spoiled:)
Please pray specifically for just the normal day to day. As I mentioned before, I am in constant pain. And my biggest concern is my children......I want their days to be as normal as possible. They've had to go out of their comfort zones a whole lot in these past few months....and they are still trooping along. Pray that the pain I have will just become a norm for me, something I can function with so life can be enjoyable for them.
And very quickly I wanted to clarify something, as many have questioned me and my decision for surgery. Some think that having this surgery is a choice...for me it is pretty much a closed subject. Yes, I truly believe that I was healed of the cancer. But medically it has been explained that the surgery is a precautionary measure for the doctors to check out what could still be hiding inside of me, along with enabling me to knock down the chances of it returning by a considerable percentage. If it's gonna come back, it will most likely start out in the area that originated. Why is it a closed subject for me?...simple....I have five reasons--Roy, Tylor, Tala, Torryn & Takai.
I will not lie to you, the news this week did hit my like a ton of bricks. But after having some time to think and pray over this and everything else involved, it seems as if I needed all this to lift my spirits and remind me who really is in control. Continue to pray...but know that I am very encouraged by His unfailing grace for my life and comforted that He does hold me tenderly in His hands....I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
" So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIS UNFOLDING GRACE. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 The Message (MSG)
Love, Shannon
I have learned to accept that this time in my life is all about the unexpected. I don't think I am supposed to get too comfortable in any circumstance or moment.
My surgery is, for the moment, on hold. I was going to the doctor every 3 or 4 days to get my blood work done. In the beginning I was way too thin. Now I cannot seem to get passed being to 'thick'...where I will clot too much. How can this be? Well, remember, I was giving my shots right before I was getting tested. Which means that the drugs in the shots were doing the job. But the one I am taking orally now is not. I seem to be pretty resistant. The plan was to wait it out until I see my doctor on the 27th.......get things under control with my clot.....and then schedule surgery.
Things are a little different now.
Thursday started out rough for me. It was the day the my mom had to go back home to Hawaii. And right before she left, I got a call from my doc with the results from the MRI of the Brain....which I took on Tuesday. Unfortunately, there is a small area of cancer (smaller than a dime) on the right side. I don't know much more than that on the technical side of it. I will be meeting with a new doc on Thursday to have her explain more to me. What I do know is
this.....
My oncologist repeatedly told me not to look at this as a set back or to be worried about this. He feels this was probably there from the beginning...as the brain seems to have an 'umbrella' over it and chemo doesn't reach it. He wants me to go in for a procedure called a Gamma Knife. It is radiation that will help to ride me of this cancerous area. I'm still asking questions and learning right now as to all the details of this whole thing.
I went on Friday for my 2nd Herceptin treatment. It went so well. I had no reactions and was not tired like I have been from the Benedryl they give....so I was able to come home and have energy to enjoy the kids. I also talked with my doctor again and he wants to probable take out the port on my arm, which will help get rid of the blood clot once and for all. He is saying we will do this since I will have to stop the blood thinning medicine in order to do the Gamma Knife anyway, along with the slow progress I am making with the medicine and the fact that they have such a hard time accessing my port.
So I am looking at the next 2 weeks holding these 2 procedures, removing my port & the Gamma Knife. I will also be going in for an MRI of the Breast on Friday. (As long as this one comes back clear there is no need to rush my surgery.) I am thankful that I have some friends coming in from out of town to visit....little did they know that they would get to be apart of all the excitement:)
Please continue to pray for me and my family. We are adjusting to being a family of 5 again. Although we are enjoying that aspect of it, having my mom here for so long seems to have us longing for her. She did such a great job of taking care of all of us. The kids are missing her and cannot wait for her to come back. And Roy & I REALLY think of her in the middle of the night....she was soooo good at getting up with the baby:) Now we're playing solo and feeling the repercussions of being so spoiled:)
Please pray specifically for just the normal day to day. As I mentioned before, I am in constant pain. And my biggest concern is my children......I want their days to be as normal as possible. They've had to go out of their comfort zones a whole lot in these past few months....and they are still trooping along. Pray that the pain I have will just become a norm for me, something I can function with so life can be enjoyable for them.
And very quickly I wanted to clarify something, as many have questioned me and my decision for surgery. Some think that having this surgery is a choice...for me it is pretty much a closed subject. Yes, I truly believe that I was healed of the cancer. But medically it has been explained that the surgery is a precautionary measure for the doctors to check out what could still be hiding inside of me, along with enabling me to knock down the chances of it returning by a considerable percentage. If it's gonna come back, it will most likely start out in the area that originated. Why is it a closed subject for me?...simple....I have five reasons--Roy, Tylor, Tala, Torryn & Takai.
I will not lie to you, the news this week did hit my like a ton of bricks. But after having some time to think and pray over this and everything else involved, it seems as if I needed all this to lift my spirits and remind me who really is in control. Continue to pray...but know that I am very encouraged by His unfailing grace for my life and comforted that He does hold me tenderly in His hands....I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
" So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIS UNFOLDING GRACE. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 The Message (MSG)
Love, Shannon
Monday, July 2, 2007
update 7/2/07
Hello to all
I come to you tonight knowing that as my mom leaves on Thursday my time will be much more limited to communicating with so many of you. I feel such a need to reach out and ask for your help in a very important area. My last email to you probably did not go without you noticing the stress in my heart right now. I am trying to grab on to His strength every moment. Last week I read something that is so simple but, yet, so hard for us do grasp sometimes. I read, " Isn't it amazing that we can call upon the creator of the universe and everything in it
at anytime. He is with us immediately." How awesome is that?! But yet in my tired and weary body I tend to forget about this simple truth and how easy it is to just do this and get the strength I need. This is where you all come in.....
So many of you have expressed to me that you would love to be closer, or have more time, or etc...just so you could help me and my family. Well, I know how you can help. Of course I still need you to be my strong prayer warriors. I
never take for granted how you have all played an intricate part in God's plan for my healing. But now as I go into another part of this journey, I am already afraid of how tired I will become, how sore I will be from all the pain, how
weary I will be from not having too much time to nurture my own soul, and how tired I will be from lack of sleep..........so the challenge I put before you is this....
feed me...feed my soul...help grow me. How can you do this for me? Simple...send me scriptures that God lays on your heart to share with me, tell me of what you learned in church, share the lyrics to a song that has touched
you lately, etc. Do you get where I am going with this?:) I so enjoy the uplifting emails that you all already send my way. I just want to make sure you know how much they mean and that I believe they will be a huge part in my
spirits being held up during these next few months.
A few months ago I reached out to just a chosen few to pray for me and my family. I come to you again with all this tonight. As I put each of you into this email, it just brought tears of joy to know that I have so many along side
of me helping to fight the spiritual battle that has accompanied the physical one. You are all so important to this journey. It is by no mistake that we are connected. Please be encouraged.
As I said, my time is about to get much more limited. But I so love hearing your encouragement....AND for you to let me know what is going on in your lives as well. I would love to be praying for you and the needs that you have.
My spirits are low right now...but, I still am so blessed that God has done so much. The creator of the universe saw fit to rescue me from disease....He saw fit to rescue my children too. What has He done for you lately? I would love to
know.
Thank you all for being a part of my story, of my life. You mean so much.
Shannon
I come to you tonight knowing that as my mom leaves on Thursday my time will be much more limited to communicating with so many of you. I feel such a need to reach out and ask for your help in a very important area. My last email to you probably did not go without you noticing the stress in my heart right now. I am trying to grab on to His strength every moment. Last week I read something that is so simple but, yet, so hard for us do grasp sometimes. I read, " Isn't it amazing that we can call upon the creator of the universe and everything in it
at anytime. He is with us immediately." How awesome is that?! But yet in my tired and weary body I tend to forget about this simple truth and how easy it is to just do this and get the strength I need. This is where you all come in.....
So many of you have expressed to me that you would love to be closer, or have more time, or etc...just so you could help me and my family. Well, I know how you can help. Of course I still need you to be my strong prayer warriors. I
never take for granted how you have all played an intricate part in God's plan for my healing. But now as I go into another part of this journey, I am already afraid of how tired I will become, how sore I will be from all the pain, how
weary I will be from not having too much time to nurture my own soul, and how tired I will be from lack of sleep..........so the challenge I put before you is this....
feed me...feed my soul...help grow me. How can you do this for me? Simple...send me scriptures that God lays on your heart to share with me, tell me of what you learned in church, share the lyrics to a song that has touched
you lately, etc. Do you get where I am going with this?:) I so enjoy the uplifting emails that you all already send my way. I just want to make sure you know how much they mean and that I believe they will be a huge part in my
spirits being held up during these next few months.
A few months ago I reached out to just a chosen few to pray for me and my family. I come to you again with all this tonight. As I put each of you into this email, it just brought tears of joy to know that I have so many along side
of me helping to fight the spiritual battle that has accompanied the physical one. You are all so important to this journey. It is by no mistake that we are connected. Please be encouraged.
As I said, my time is about to get much more limited. But I so love hearing your encouragement....AND for you to let me know what is going on in your lives as well. I would love to be praying for you and the needs that you have.
My spirits are low right now...but, I still am so blessed that God has done so much. The creator of the universe saw fit to rescue me from disease....He saw fit to rescue my children too. What has He done for you lately? I would love to
know.
Thank you all for being a part of my story, of my life. You mean so much.
Shannon
Monday, June 18, 2007
update 6/18/07
Hello to All
This is just a note to let you know what has been going on with me and my surgery. For the past 2 weeks I have gone in to my oncologist 2x a week to get a blood draw. This showed what my counts were. The first one showed that I was
to high ---which means I would bleed too much for surgery. The last couple showed that I was too low --- which means I would clot too much for surgery. My surgeon wants me in a certain range before he will perform the surgery. I
appreciate how cautious he is with my well being. Every time I go in my doc adjust my meds in hopes that it will help with my count as well as my clot. I go again on Tuesday to see where it's at.
The down side to all of this is that my mom will be leaving July 5th. These plans were made when we thought I would have been recuperating already. Now we are looking at the possibility of me not even having the surgery until she is gone.
Who will be with my kids while I'm in the hospital?
Who will be with me in the hospital?
Who will take care of all of me when I get out?
Who will take care of the kids?
How will I manage when I will not be able to lift anything (including Takai) for weeks?
Whose gonna cook?
Whose gonna clean?
These are just a few of the many questions I ask myself everyday. As Roy can only do so much and can only be in one place at a time. I am grateful that Roy is able to take time off of work...but we financially can't spare him to do much
of this. Therefore, we feel pushed into a corner and don't know how to get out of this one.....I have to go for my surgery, the kids need to be taken care of, Roy needs to go to work, etc.
So please, keep us in prayer as we try to figure all of this out. I won't try to hide the truth that I am just a little stressed by all this. On top of all that, I have not gone without side effects from my drugs. I can hide most of this from my kids....but what I can't do is take for granted that this journey is anywhere near over....I still need to take care of myself. I am so thankful that I have not been extremely sick like others that I know. But it does not take away from the side effects that I do have. I am constantly tired in a way that I have never felt, I do have many aches and much pain most of the time, I am having allergic reactions and along with all this I still have the clot in my arm that does come with some pain and limitations.
Uggh...can you tell it's just been one of those days?! My spirits are low right now. But I do want to end on a positive not. Tonight, just before going to bed, I was reading and was reminded that no matter what is going on in my life I
need to take just one minute to remember what blessings and miracles I have been given. Wow...what a slap in my face. Here I am complaining when I have so much to be thankful for. Yes, I know that you think I have every right to complain given the circumstances.....but NO, I do not. We were not promised a easy life....just one that He would walk hand in hand with us. That alone should be enough....yet He saw fit to carry me through all of this with a multitude of blessings and miracles. I could write a book on just what has been given and done for me and my family....and I have promised to let you in on some of these blessings....but for tonight I will tell of just two.
The first and probably one that is dearest to my heart is how blessed we have been to have my mom here with us. There truly are no words to express what my heart feels. She was here in moments and stayed for months....I have been able to leave for doctor's appointments with peace that my children are being cared for and loved. I have been able to sleep at night and know that my baby was not forgotten when he awoke. I have been able to successfully go through this part of the journey knowing that my mommy was by my side:) How do you thank someone for given up their life without hesitation so you can have yours?!
THANK YOU MOM! I LOVE YOU!
The next blessing came about a month into all of this...but so special as it comes from my 10 year old niece who wrote the following for a school assignment all on her own.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY HERO
POOF! In one minute something happened to my hero. She got BREAST CANCER. It is not a very happy thing. It's actually a very sad thing to have. My hero is my Auntie Shannon. She is very helpful in these ways. My Auntie is friendly. So you now how people get mad and yell, but she will never yell at me and she is always trustworthy. She is very brave when it comes to her cancer. She is also brave when she has to fight the cancer.
She always lets me come to her house, but now that she has cancer I am contagious because she cannot get sick or it will be a lot harder to fight and she would have to go to the hospital to fight it. A little thing is a BIG BIG thing for her because she has cancer. It will take her a very long time to get better but right now she is doing very good. She is very nice to kids because she used to be a teacher a long time ago. I wasn't even born yet. She is also my hero because she can always help me, but now that she has breast cancer I can't come to her house because she cannot get sick or she will have to go to the hospital.
THAT IS MY HERO, SHE IS VERY SICK, I LOVE HER!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's probably the most humbling thing I have ever been called. I sit here after months of reading this over and over again and I still have tears in my eyes and a very humbled heart. This is something that I will treasure for all my days. Thank you, Kailynn!!!
May all of you have a peaceful Sunday and a wonderful week. I will keep you informed to the next step in our home.
My love to you all
Shannon
This is just a note to let you know what has been going on with me and my surgery. For the past 2 weeks I have gone in to my oncologist 2x a week to get a blood draw. This showed what my counts were. The first one showed that I was
to high ---which means I would bleed too much for surgery. The last couple showed that I was too low --- which means I would clot too much for surgery. My surgeon wants me in a certain range before he will perform the surgery. I
appreciate how cautious he is with my well being. Every time I go in my doc adjust my meds in hopes that it will help with my count as well as my clot. I go again on Tuesday to see where it's at.
The down side to all of this is that my mom will be leaving July 5th. These plans were made when we thought I would have been recuperating already. Now we are looking at the possibility of me not even having the surgery until she is gone.
Who will be with my kids while I'm in the hospital?
Who will be with me in the hospital?
Who will take care of all of me when I get out?
Who will take care of the kids?
How will I manage when I will not be able to lift anything (including Takai) for weeks?
Whose gonna cook?
Whose gonna clean?
These are just a few of the many questions I ask myself everyday. As Roy can only do so much and can only be in one place at a time. I am grateful that Roy is able to take time off of work...but we financially can't spare him to do much
of this. Therefore, we feel pushed into a corner and don't know how to get out of this one.....I have to go for my surgery, the kids need to be taken care of, Roy needs to go to work, etc.
So please, keep us in prayer as we try to figure all of this out. I won't try to hide the truth that I am just a little stressed by all this. On top of all that, I have not gone without side effects from my drugs. I can hide most of this from my kids....but what I can't do is take for granted that this journey is anywhere near over....I still need to take care of myself. I am so thankful that I have not been extremely sick like others that I know. But it does not take away from the side effects that I do have. I am constantly tired in a way that I have never felt, I do have many aches and much pain most of the time, I am having allergic reactions and along with all this I still have the clot in my arm that does come with some pain and limitations.
Uggh...can you tell it's just been one of those days?! My spirits are low right now. But I do want to end on a positive not. Tonight, just before going to bed, I was reading and was reminded that no matter what is going on in my life I
need to take just one minute to remember what blessings and miracles I have been given. Wow...what a slap in my face. Here I am complaining when I have so much to be thankful for. Yes, I know that you think I have every right to complain given the circumstances.....but NO, I do not. We were not promised a easy life....just one that He would walk hand in hand with us. That alone should be enough....yet He saw fit to carry me through all of this with a multitude of blessings and miracles. I could write a book on just what has been given and done for me and my family....and I have promised to let you in on some of these blessings....but for tonight I will tell of just two.
The first and probably one that is dearest to my heart is how blessed we have been to have my mom here with us. There truly are no words to express what my heart feels. She was here in moments and stayed for months....I have been able to leave for doctor's appointments with peace that my children are being cared for and loved. I have been able to sleep at night and know that my baby was not forgotten when he awoke. I have been able to successfully go through this part of the journey knowing that my mommy was by my side:) How do you thank someone for given up their life without hesitation so you can have yours?!
THANK YOU MOM! I LOVE YOU!
The next blessing came about a month into all of this...but so special as it comes from my 10 year old niece who wrote the following for a school assignment all on her own.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY HERO
POOF! In one minute something happened to my hero. She got BREAST CANCER. It is not a very happy thing. It's actually a very sad thing to have. My hero is my Auntie Shannon. She is very helpful in these ways. My Auntie is friendly. So you now how people get mad and yell, but she will never yell at me and she is always trustworthy. She is very brave when it comes to her cancer. She is also brave when she has to fight the cancer.
She always lets me come to her house, but now that she has cancer I am contagious because she cannot get sick or it will be a lot harder to fight and she would have to go to the hospital to fight it. A little thing is a BIG BIG thing for her because she has cancer. It will take her a very long time to get better but right now she is doing very good. She is very nice to kids because she used to be a teacher a long time ago. I wasn't even born yet. She is also my hero because she can always help me, but now that she has breast cancer I can't come to her house because she cannot get sick or she will have to go to the hospital.
THAT IS MY HERO, SHE IS VERY SICK, I LOVE HER!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's probably the most humbling thing I have ever been called. I sit here after months of reading this over and over again and I still have tears in my eyes and a very humbled heart. This is something that I will treasure for all my days. Thank you, Kailynn!!!
May all of you have a peaceful Sunday and a wonderful week. I will keep you informed to the next step in our home.
My love to you all
Shannon
Monday, June 11, 2007
update 6/11/07
Hi to all!!
Leave it to me to bring more excitement to the table:)
Up until 3:30 this afternoon, we were all ready for surgery tomorrow. After talking with my surgeon things have changed. My surgery is now postponed. The issue of the blood clot in my arm has him not wanting to have it with the fear of things going into my lungs or heart. (Thankfully I have a wise Doc.) He wants the clot gone before he will perform the surgery. Therefore, tomorrow will probably be a day of ultrasounds and deciding if the port needs to come out. I am kinda up in the air as to what comes next. I will keep you all informed as it comes.
Please keep on praying for my health. I'm off my bone medicine (because of the surgery) so I have some pain now. My joints are aching and I have pain in my back that's here to stay. My doctor said that since the cancer was in other places...even though the cancer's gone, the damage has been done. So the pain in my back is mostly from the damage to my spine. We are trying different drugs to see what will work, and yet, still enable me to function on a daily basis. The pain is pretty intense at times, but I do want to be able to live my life as normal as possible for my kids sake.
Thank you to all of you. I appreciate the calls, cards & emails so much. There are some 'yuck' days. And they really do uplift me as well as remind me how blessed I am to have so many on my side.
Love to you all
Shannon
Leave it to me to bring more excitement to the table:)
Up until 3:30 this afternoon, we were all ready for surgery tomorrow. After talking with my surgeon things have changed. My surgery is now postponed. The issue of the blood clot in my arm has him not wanting to have it with the fear of things going into my lungs or heart. (Thankfully I have a wise Doc.) He wants the clot gone before he will perform the surgery. Therefore, tomorrow will probably be a day of ultrasounds and deciding if the port needs to come out. I am kinda up in the air as to what comes next. I will keep you all informed as it comes.
Please keep on praying for my health. I'm off my bone medicine (because of the surgery) so I have some pain now. My joints are aching and I have pain in my back that's here to stay. My doctor said that since the cancer was in other places...even though the cancer's gone, the damage has been done. So the pain in my back is mostly from the damage to my spine. We are trying different drugs to see what will work, and yet, still enable me to function on a daily basis. The pain is pretty intense at times, but I do want to be able to live my life as normal as possible for my kids sake.
Thank you to all of you. I appreciate the calls, cards & emails so much. There are some 'yuck' days. And they really do uplift me as well as remind me how blessed I am to have so many on my side.
Love to you all
Shannon
Monday, June 4, 2007
update 6/4/07
Hello Family & Friends
It was on my list to send out an update tonight and up until today I only had surgery details to fill you all in on. But now I have more excitement to share than I planned.
For the past few weeks my right arm (the one with my port) has been hurting off and on. So last week Friday when I saw my oncologist, we arranged for me to go have an ultrasound done today. Well, I bummed to say that I do have a blood clot in that arm. It goes from my neck down to my elbow. Yes...it's pretty big, but my doctor put me on meds for it right away. I am, again, having to have shots twice a day. Pray for me, as Roy already gave me one and it was
extremely painful. But with my daughter getting up to 4 shots a day, everyday....how can I complain. She really is the bravest person I know:)
My surgery is next Tuesday. My surgeon will check to see if the medicine did it's job to remove the clot. If not, then they will remove my port while I'm there. Beings that this is the second time that this has happened....I personally think it's wise. The only draw back is that I will have to get stuck for an IV every time I go in from now on...every three weeks. And for those of you who don't know this about me, I'm a VERY hard stick (that means my veins are hard to get) So usually, I have to get poked numerous times. Not the funnest thing!
I go in at 6:45am on Tuesday morn and the surgery is scheduled for 9:00. I am told that it will be 3 hours and that me recovery should only be one night in the hospital. I actually asked for more time, so my doctor got me an extra
night. We felt it wise for me to be there as long as possible for healing away from the kids trying to bounce all over mommy. For those of you wondering if you should call...do what you feel led to do. LeeAnn has said that she will be
sending out an update that night to let you all know about the day and how I am doing. My mom will be home with the kids and Roy will be sleeping uncomfortably at the hospital with me:)
I will go home with 2 pain pumps which are to be removed the next week. I think right now the thing I am most anxious about is the pain involved. But as I look to this event, along with the shots....I can only take it all in stride and be so grateful that I get to face all this knowing that God has a plan. And His are so much better than mine.
As always I have to end with thanking all of you for so much. The many blessings, some so creative, others just plain thoughtful and don't forget the ones that are simply needed....THANK YOU is never enough....may I learn from
your example and bless someone else the way each of you has blessed me and my family. One day soon I will salvage some time to write down for you some of these wonderful blessings.
Love
Shannon
It was on my list to send out an update tonight and up until today I only had surgery details to fill you all in on. But now I have more excitement to share than I planned.
For the past few weeks my right arm (the one with my port) has been hurting off and on. So last week Friday when I saw my oncologist, we arranged for me to go have an ultrasound done today. Well, I bummed to say that I do have a blood clot in that arm. It goes from my neck down to my elbow. Yes...it's pretty big, but my doctor put me on meds for it right away. I am, again, having to have shots twice a day. Pray for me, as Roy already gave me one and it was
extremely painful. But with my daughter getting up to 4 shots a day, everyday....how can I complain. She really is the bravest person I know:)
My surgery is next Tuesday. My surgeon will check to see if the medicine did it's job to remove the clot. If not, then they will remove my port while I'm there. Beings that this is the second time that this has happened....I personally think it's wise. The only draw back is that I will have to get stuck for an IV every time I go in from now on...every three weeks. And for those of you who don't know this about me, I'm a VERY hard stick (that means my veins are hard to get) So usually, I have to get poked numerous times. Not the funnest thing!
I go in at 6:45am on Tuesday morn and the surgery is scheduled for 9:00. I am told that it will be 3 hours and that me recovery should only be one night in the hospital. I actually asked for more time, so my doctor got me an extra
night. We felt it wise for me to be there as long as possible for healing away from the kids trying to bounce all over mommy. For those of you wondering if you should call...do what you feel led to do. LeeAnn has said that she will be
sending out an update that night to let you all know about the day and how I am doing. My mom will be home with the kids and Roy will be sleeping uncomfortably at the hospital with me:)
I will go home with 2 pain pumps which are to be removed the next week. I think right now the thing I am most anxious about is the pain involved. But as I look to this event, along with the shots....I can only take it all in stride and be so grateful that I get to face all this knowing that God has a plan. And His are so much better than mine.
As always I have to end with thanking all of you for so much. The many blessings, some so creative, others just plain thoughtful and don't forget the ones that are simply needed....THANK YOU is never enough....may I learn from
your example and bless someone else the way each of you has blessed me and my family. One day soon I will salvage some time to write down for you some of these wonderful blessings.
Love
Shannon
Friday, May 11, 2007
update 5/11/07
Hi Everyone
I met with my oncologist this week and got some questions answered. My scans are as clear as he first told me. His first words to me were, "It's amazing!" As we talked I began to understand why I still need to do surgery, more chemo
and possibly radiation.
He explained that, although the PET Scan came back all clear, there could be hidden cancer cells. They could be dead but there is the possibility of them laying dormant. This is why surgery is important. They will look at everything
that comes back after surgery to see what there is. This will determine if radiation is necessary. Then the plan is for me to be on this 'super' drug called Herceptin for at least a year. If anything is left in me, Herceptin is the drug that would hopefully get rid of it.
I see my surgeon on Monday to discuss everything with him. I will continue to update you as to the excitement on the Pinkard home front.
As always, I have to thank you for your continued prayers and support. The blessings continue to come and I continue to stand amazed by all of it. May you be blessed far and beyond what you could even dream to ask Him for...it's possible.
Love to you all
Shannon
I met with my oncologist this week and got some questions answered. My scans are as clear as he first told me. His first words to me were, "It's amazing!" As we talked I began to understand why I still need to do surgery, more chemo
and possibly radiation.
He explained that, although the PET Scan came back all clear, there could be hidden cancer cells. They could be dead but there is the possibility of them laying dormant. This is why surgery is important. They will look at everything
that comes back after surgery to see what there is. This will determine if radiation is necessary. Then the plan is for me to be on this 'super' drug called Herceptin for at least a year. If anything is left in me, Herceptin is the drug that would hopefully get rid of it.
I see my surgeon on Monday to discuss everything with him. I will continue to update you as to the excitement on the Pinkard home front.
As always, I have to thank you for your continued prayers and support. The blessings continue to come and I continue to stand amazed by all of it. May you be blessed far and beyond what you could even dream to ask Him for...it's possible.
Love to you all
Shannon
Sunday, April 29, 2007
update 4/29/07
Family & Friends
As I said in my last email, you ALL mean so much to me. Each of you fits into my life and this "story" that's happening right now to me in many different ways. Some of you play big parts and some not so big. But none of your roles are taken for granted and absolutely none go unrecognized. I have been totally blown away by the outpouring of support. The relationships I have been able to build and grow with you all have been amazing. Like I've said before, even an email back and forth between some of you has come to mean the world to me.
Which brings me to one of the reasons for this letter. Many, and I mean many, of you have asked me how I can have such strong faith and believe God for all He's provided. Before I answer that I just want to say this...please forgive me if I offend you. I have not, and never want to be someone who takes my faith and shoves it down someone's throat, BUT, I do believe that I have rightfully earned this little "platform" to stand on right now and I plan to stand with my back straight and tall and not be ashamed for what I believe.
Now to answer the question that many of you have asked....and not only that, many of you have expressed to me how angry you personally are with God for putting me and my family through all this. DO NOT fall into the trap of believing that my disease and everything else that's happened has been caused by God. I think we need to look at the whole picture if you can think this way.
***If you can blame God....that means you believe in God. If you believe in God....that means you need to believe in Satan. If you believe in Satan....that means you can grasp that Satan truly is the one to blame!***
It's actually pretty simple to understand how I can have the faith that I have. I believe that the 'yuck' of this world is brought on by Satan and the free will that we've been given. But God is the one who holds us close no matter what you or I have done or what the situation is.
I basically just got done'preaching' to you all. And I have no intentions to offend anybody. But It has hurt my heart so much to hear all the anger & confusion that many of you hold in your own hearts. So I hope that this can give you a little peace about some things.
"We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia Province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, WE WERE FORCED TO TRUST GOD TOTALLY - not a bad idea since He's the God who raises the dead! And He did it, rescued us from certain doom. And He'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. YOU AND YOUR PRAYERS ARE PART OF THE RESCUE OPERATION - I don't want you in the dark about that either." -2 CORINTHIANS 1:8-11
What an unbelievable couple of verses. I read them about a month ago and couldn't believe what they were saying. The part about "you and your prayers being a part of it all"........WOW! That's how I feel about all of you. Thank you doesn't seem like enough. You are a part of my story and I will forever hold you close to my heart. The part that says, "We were forced to trust God totally..." Well, I have great doctor's, BUT, really, it ultimately doesn't matter what they think or do.....I have had no choice, but only a privilege to get to know God more intimately through all this. And the part that claims "It was the best thing that could have happened" is the part that I still wonder about. Don't get me wrong, I have already grown in mighty ways. And there has been so much good out of all of this. But the part that I wonder about is the future...what awesome things are in store for me? I'm just a little excited to see the future:) I can already see how this has been a good thing. Don't get me wrong...so much of it stinks. But I am floored how God can take a situation such as this and use it for good. If you question this, just let me know and I'll blow you away with all the many blessings I have received thus far.:)
The one part that I didn't emphasize in the verses was "AND HE DID IT, RESCUED US FROM CERTAIN DOOM." I didn't emphasize it for two reasons: 1)because I wanted to make sure you listening to my "preaching" for a minute longer:) and 2) because I didn't want to give away the 2nd reason for this email.....
On Friday I spoke with my doctor and got the results of my PET Scan....."HE DID IT!" My doctor told me he has no medical explanation for it, but my scans show no cancer anywhere in my body. "HE DID IT!" When I questioned him, He just joked about not using up all my miracles in one shot. He advised me to keep my mind open to doing everything we had planned - operation, radiation, more chemo. But he really couldn't advise me more until he consulted with more doctors...as he was stumped by my results. "HE DID IT!" Are you blown away? Don't worry, so am I. So let me repeat myself for you and me to hear it again....there is no signs of cancer in my body at all. "HE DID IT!" I have gone from a very rare type of stage 4 cancer being throughout a large part of my body to being cancer
free. "HE DID IT!" " HE DID IT!" HE DID IT!"
I have yet to mention to you in this letter about the miracles that have already happened...because you have heard about them throughout these past four months. But now, I am humbled, again, to be chosen by Him to receive another one. The road for me is not over yet. I am pretty certain that surgery will still happen in the next month or so. Radiation and more chemo may still follow (I will meet with my oncologist on May 8th). But I do know for now, I am planning to take this miracle at face value for what it is...a MIRACLE. Even my doctor has said so himself.
I will make sure to update you after I meet with him and fill you in on what my path will soon be. But until then, please, continue to pray. I am still having slight side effects from my last chemo. And I still have to try to remain healthy for whatever I will be doing in the medical world. Also, my family is still walking down this road with me...so please pray for them.
Thank you for your prayers
Thank you for allowing me to pray for you
Thank you for your support
Thank you for the big things
Thank you for the little things
Thank you for your time
Thank you for being a part of my life
Thank you for being a part of my story
Thank you
Shannon
As I said in my last email, you ALL mean so much to me. Each of you fits into my life and this "story" that's happening right now to me in many different ways. Some of you play big parts and some not so big. But none of your roles are taken for granted and absolutely none go unrecognized. I have been totally blown away by the outpouring of support. The relationships I have been able to build and grow with you all have been amazing. Like I've said before, even an email back and forth between some of you has come to mean the world to me.
Which brings me to one of the reasons for this letter. Many, and I mean many, of you have asked me how I can have such strong faith and believe God for all He's provided. Before I answer that I just want to say this...please forgive me if I offend you. I have not, and never want to be someone who takes my faith and shoves it down someone's throat, BUT, I do believe that I have rightfully earned this little "platform" to stand on right now and I plan to stand with my back straight and tall and not be ashamed for what I believe.
Now to answer the question that many of you have asked....and not only that, many of you have expressed to me how angry you personally are with God for putting me and my family through all this. DO NOT fall into the trap of believing that my disease and everything else that's happened has been caused by God. I think we need to look at the whole picture if you can think this way.
***If you can blame God....that means you believe in God. If you believe in God....that means you need to believe in Satan. If you believe in Satan....that means you can grasp that Satan truly is the one to blame!***
It's actually pretty simple to understand how I can have the faith that I have. I believe that the 'yuck' of this world is brought on by Satan and the free will that we've been given. But God is the one who holds us close no matter what you or I have done or what the situation is.
I basically just got done'preaching' to you all. And I have no intentions to offend anybody. But It has hurt my heart so much to hear all the anger & confusion that many of you hold in your own hearts. So I hope that this can give you a little peace about some things.
"We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia Province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, WE WERE FORCED TO TRUST GOD TOTALLY - not a bad idea since He's the God who raises the dead! And He did it, rescued us from certain doom. And He'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. YOU AND YOUR PRAYERS ARE PART OF THE RESCUE OPERATION - I don't want you in the dark about that either." -2 CORINTHIANS 1:8-11
What an unbelievable couple of verses. I read them about a month ago and couldn't believe what they were saying. The part about "you and your prayers being a part of it all"........WOW! That's how I feel about all of you. Thank you doesn't seem like enough. You are a part of my story and I will forever hold you close to my heart. The part that says, "We were forced to trust God totally..." Well, I have great doctor's, BUT, really, it ultimately doesn't matter what they think or do.....I have had no choice, but only a privilege to get to know God more intimately through all this. And the part that claims "It was the best thing that could have happened" is the part that I still wonder about. Don't get me wrong, I have already grown in mighty ways. And there has been so much good out of all of this. But the part that I wonder about is the future...what awesome things are in store for me? I'm just a little excited to see the future:) I can already see how this has been a good thing. Don't get me wrong...so much of it stinks. But I am floored how God can take a situation such as this and use it for good. If you question this, just let me know and I'll blow you away with all the many blessings I have received thus far.:)
The one part that I didn't emphasize in the verses was "AND HE DID IT, RESCUED US FROM CERTAIN DOOM." I didn't emphasize it for two reasons: 1)because I wanted to make sure you listening to my "preaching" for a minute longer:) and 2) because I didn't want to give away the 2nd reason for this email.....
On Friday I spoke with my doctor and got the results of my PET Scan....."HE DID IT!" My doctor told me he has no medical explanation for it, but my scans show no cancer anywhere in my body. "HE DID IT!" When I questioned him, He just joked about not using up all my miracles in one shot. He advised me to keep my mind open to doing everything we had planned - operation, radiation, more chemo. But he really couldn't advise me more until he consulted with more doctors...as he was stumped by my results. "HE DID IT!" Are you blown away? Don't worry, so am I. So let me repeat myself for you and me to hear it again....there is no signs of cancer in my body at all. "HE DID IT!" I have gone from a very rare type of stage 4 cancer being throughout a large part of my body to being cancer
free. "HE DID IT!" " HE DID IT!" HE DID IT!"
I have yet to mention to you in this letter about the miracles that have already happened...because you have heard about them throughout these past four months. But now, I am humbled, again, to be chosen by Him to receive another one. The road for me is not over yet. I am pretty certain that surgery will still happen in the next month or so. Radiation and more chemo may still follow (I will meet with my oncologist on May 8th). But I do know for now, I am planning to take this miracle at face value for what it is...a MIRACLE. Even my doctor has said so himself.
I will make sure to update you after I meet with him and fill you in on what my path will soon be. But until then, please, continue to pray. I am still having slight side effects from my last chemo. And I still have to try to remain healthy for whatever I will be doing in the medical world. Also, my family is still walking down this road with me...so please pray for them.
Thank you for your prayers
Thank you for allowing me to pray for you
Thank you for your support
Thank you for the big things
Thank you for the little things
Thank you for your time
Thank you for being a part of my life
Thank you for being a part of my story
Thank you
Shannon
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
update 4/24/07
Hi Everyone
Just a quick note to let everyone know that tomorrow is the day for my scans. I go in at 9 and am on the table at 9:30am. These scans will show us what has been happening with the chemos. We are very hopeful that there has been shrinkage and disappearage:) My oncologist will get the results within two days. I will be putting a call into him to discuss everything. I honestly don't know if he will go over it on the phone or if I will have to wail till my next appointment, which will be May 8th...uggh...pray that I will be able to find out sooner. After all this, I will be talking with my surgeon to discuss dates for surgery. Then we will go from there.
I really have no words to express what all of you mean to me. Some of you I have known my whole life, others not so long, and yet others are friends through this wonderful world we call the internet and would be strangers by sight. But I want to express how much of an encouragement you all are. The emails that are sent my way are such an uplifting part of my day. I know I hardly have had a chance to answer many....but please know how much they mean. I look back on them frequently just to find some encouragement when the moment is tough. And the cards and phone call are the same. Each one of you is in my address book for a reason. Please take this as a personal THANK YOU for how you personnally fit into my life.
As I approach tomorrow I want each of you to know that I have peace. God has done so much for me through all of this. Many miracles have already happened. So be encouraged as I go to find out what other miracles He has done for me because "Now to Him who is able to do EXCEEDINLY ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL that we ask or think, accordingly to the power that works in us, to Him be glory." -Ephesians 3:20
Shannon
Just a quick note to let everyone know that tomorrow is the day for my scans. I go in at 9 and am on the table at 9:30am. These scans will show us what has been happening with the chemos. We are very hopeful that there has been shrinkage and disappearage:) My oncologist will get the results within two days. I will be putting a call into him to discuss everything. I honestly don't know if he will go over it on the phone or if I will have to wail till my next appointment, which will be May 8th...uggh...pray that I will be able to find out sooner. After all this, I will be talking with my surgeon to discuss dates for surgery. Then we will go from there.
I really have no words to express what all of you mean to me. Some of you I have known my whole life, others not so long, and yet others are friends through this wonderful world we call the internet and would be strangers by sight. But I want to express how much of an encouragement you all are. The emails that are sent my way are such an uplifting part of my day. I know I hardly have had a chance to answer many....but please know how much they mean. I look back on them frequently just to find some encouragement when the moment is tough. And the cards and phone call are the same. Each one of you is in my address book for a reason. Please take this as a personal THANK YOU for how you personnally fit into my life.
As I approach tomorrow I want each of you to know that I have peace. God has done so much for me through all of this. Many miracles have already happened. So be encouraged as I go to find out what other miracles He has done for me because "Now to Him who is able to do EXCEEDINLY ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL that we ask or think, accordingly to the power that works in us, to Him be glory." -Ephesians 3:20
Shannon
Friday, April 20, 2007
Good Friday's Healing
Jesus bore my sins upon His body on Good Friday. We celebrate this as we get prepared to celebrate Easter in few days.
I am unsure of what is happening in my own body. Cancer has invaded it and the doctors, drugs, my family & friends and myself are trying to get it out! I am at every doctors appointment just anticipating what will come. I have to do everything I can to assure that I am giving it 110% effort to keep on living. I know this horrendous disease does not belong in me.
I am unsure of what is happening in my own body. Cancer has invaded it and the doctors, drugs, my family & friends and myself are trying to get it out! I am at every doctors appointment just anticipating what will come. I have to do everything I can to assure that I am giving it 110% effort to keep on living. I know this horrendous disease does not belong in me.
"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases." - Psalm 103:2-3
Many times I find myself going to this verse. It would be easy to claim His physical healing of my cancer. (Which, by the way, is totally within His abilities!) But I am realizing, as I dig deeper into what Psalm 103 is saying, could be that I may not be healed of my cancer while in my earthly home. It might not happen until I see my Savior face to face.
And ultimately, I have learned that I am already healed....Jesus bore all evil upon His body many years ago. There really is no room in His kingdom for things such as cancer. Nor is there room for it in my body. He is always, ALWAYS for me and never against me. This includes this moment in my life. As I wonder what is happening inside my body, I am reassured that He was there before the Enemy tried to invade. He will forever be inside of me regardless of what my body goes through. He has full control of every cell, each drip on medicine, any growth of disease....He has full control.
So whether I am healed physically or not I am finding peace in knowing that I am already healed by what He did for me thousands of years ago on a wooden cross.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Sitting on the Edge of Hell
"God, you're my last chance of the day.
I spend the night on my knees before you.
Put me on your salvation agenda;
take notes on the trouble I'm in.
I've had my fill of trouble;
I'm camped on the edge of hell.
I'm written off as a lost cause,
one more statistic, a hopeless case."
- Psalm 88:1-4
This place I am in is the ultimate of earthly loneliness. I am surrounded by more than ever before. But yet, I am lonely. Not one has been in my shoes. Thus, the understanding is only limited to the extent of knowledge and God given sensitivity.
There is One though. One who can reach me. One who can pull me from this place. One who will come to the edge of hell to guide me to a place that is not so hot.
While I'm in this place, I am reminded of a few things. I'm not IN hell. I'm only on the edge. For some reason, or maybe many....God has allowed these things to transpire in my life and the lives of my family. BUT He IS here with us. He has not nor will never leave us in this place alone. Already I have been blessed to feel Him in a new and mysterious way. Only because of where I am is this possible. Would I have chosen this path for myself. NO. But without is I would be so much emptier.
I am lonely. But I am not alone. Many are here, willing to hold my hand as I walk down this uncharted road. And for reasons I may never know this side of heaven, I am sitting on the edge of hell.
"I'm written off as a lost cause, one more statistic, a hopeless case." Thankfully, my God is a loving God. One who comes to the aide of those who are lost. He is not at God of statistics...He just IS. And most importantly, He can take anything that looks hopeless and transform it. Because He is Hope.
I may be sitting on the edge of hell. But with His love I am gaining strength to stand & turn my back to the heat.
Friday, March 23, 2007
My Heartbeat
Life is busy. My life, your life,everyones. In this busy world of ours, I sometimes find it hard to grab a quiet moment to relax with my God and His Word. I am so thankful for His creation of music. It is where my soul replenishes itself. It should not take away from Scripture....but I do believe He can use it to teach and feed us if we just listen.
Miracle of the Moment by Steven Curtis Chapman
There's only One who knows
There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go
And listen to your heartbeat
I will always be thankful how He is bringing me through this journey. He is enabling me to listen to my heartbeat more closely.
How thankful am I that He consumes it?!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
update 3/18/07
This is an update the night after Tala was hospitalized diagnosed with diabetes and Takai was also admitted to the hospital. It's inbetween my 4th & 5th treatments.
Tala's sugar count was 895, well beyond 'safe'. It is a miracle that she was still with us. Although, she was pretty out of it, she was conscious the whole time. Medically, it was amazing by the staff that treated her.
Needless to say, I was quite weak upon hearing, 5 hours after admitting Tala, that Takai was being rushed by ambulance with my Mom because of breathing issues. Seriously, I think I literally went on auto pilot. Once Takai got there, it was endless test to see what the issue was. He ended having an odd swelling in his throat that need surgery.
Knowing that 2 of my children were fighting for their lives in 2 seperate places was beyond what I thought I could handle. Thankfully, I'm not the One in charge.:) God is good and He continues to amaze me with each turn of events. The enemy continues to try and strike me down. And even when I am weak, my Jesus is strong. Thank goodness. Because I have never felt so weak. Literally. In every capacity. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I AM in the palm of His hand.
Family & Friends
Wow!! What a wild past few days it has been...and it's not over yet. But I wanted to take a quick moment to thank you all for you prayers and support. All of this has been overwhelming to say the least. But it has been made a little easier to bare with the help so many of you have given.
Both kids are doing good. Takai had a small surgical procedure done yesterday to get rid of the growth on the inside of his throat. He cannot be released until they figure out what it was. Lots of test are being done on it, but he is doing wonderfully. Eating, sleeping, breathing, and just so happy. He's like a new baby. Tala has stabilize and just an hour ago was taken off all of her IVs. She began taking shots this evening, which are not fun. But they need to happen in order for her to go home.
Things we will need prayer on:
*Tala to come to terms with such a BIG thing in her life
*Tala to be able to handle her shots well....they are not fun for any of us....so extra hard for a child
*Shannon to come to terms with her little girl having to go through this....only mother's understand a mother's heart *Roy to come to terms too....only fathers can understand his helplessness as a father who want's to protect his little girl.
*Shannon's immune system to stay healthy while being stressed, tired and in the hospital environment
*Takai to continue to thrive and go home on Monday
*Torryn to be okay as things are CRAZY at home and he's having to go without mommy all day long for days
*Grandma & Roy as they are the one's doing night duty at the hospital and not getting much sleep
*Great Grandma for her willingness to do whatever and go where ever she's need.....very tiring keeping up with our family's excitement
*The Mantia's (my sister & family) to stay strong and healthy as they watch and play with Torryn and still do all the extra's that I need them to do...basically putting their lives on hold for us
LOTS TO PRAY FOR...that's why we need you:)
Thank you so much LeeAnn, Gale, Julie and Jen for all your extra time you are giving to my family....there really are no words....only tears of thankfulness as I think of each of you!!
All that said and done....I want to leave you with some encouragement....
**Don't forget that Takai's birth was a miracle....he and I should not have survived my ruptured uterus
**Tala's still being with us is a miracle.....she was so bad off that she should have at least been in a coma if not worse
**Takai could have gotten so obstructed and could have stopped breathing at anytime....another miracle
Believe in miracles....I DO!!!
The questioned I'm pondering so often right now is "Why am I the privileged one to be a part of so many of these miracles?" Hebrews 13:5 says "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." He keeps proving this to me. Please be encouraged by our miracles....maybe one is waiting around the corner for you.....watch carefully or you might miss it.:)
Things will continue to be busy for a while. But I love hearing from you. Please know that your emails, cards, calls, etc. are always an encouragement for me.
With Peace, Shannon
Tala's sugar count was 895, well beyond 'safe'. It is a miracle that she was still with us. Although, she was pretty out of it, she was conscious the whole time. Medically, it was amazing by the staff that treated her.
Needless to say, I was quite weak upon hearing, 5 hours after admitting Tala, that Takai was being rushed by ambulance with my Mom because of breathing issues. Seriously, I think I literally went on auto pilot. Once Takai got there, it was endless test to see what the issue was. He ended having an odd swelling in his throat that need surgery.
Knowing that 2 of my children were fighting for their lives in 2 seperate places was beyond what I thought I could handle. Thankfully, I'm not the One in charge.:) God is good and He continues to amaze me with each turn of events. The enemy continues to try and strike me down. And even when I am weak, my Jesus is strong. Thank goodness. Because I have never felt so weak. Literally. In every capacity. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I AM in the palm of His hand.
Family & Friends
Wow!! What a wild past few days it has been...and it's not over yet. But I wanted to take a quick moment to thank you all for you prayers and support. All of this has been overwhelming to say the least. But it has been made a little easier to bare with the help so many of you have given.
Both kids are doing good. Takai had a small surgical procedure done yesterday to get rid of the growth on the inside of his throat. He cannot be released until they figure out what it was. Lots of test are being done on it, but he is doing wonderfully. Eating, sleeping, breathing, and just so happy. He's like a new baby. Tala has stabilize and just an hour ago was taken off all of her IVs. She began taking shots this evening, which are not fun. But they need to happen in order for her to go home.
Things we will need prayer on:
*Tala to come to terms with such a BIG thing in her life
*Tala to be able to handle her shots well....they are not fun for any of us....so extra hard for a child
*Shannon to come to terms with her little girl having to go through this....only mother's understand a mother's heart *Roy to come to terms too....only fathers can understand his helplessness as a father who want's to protect his little girl.
*Shannon's immune system to stay healthy while being stressed, tired and in the hospital environment
*Takai to continue to thrive and go home on Monday
*Torryn to be okay as things are CRAZY at home and he's having to go without mommy all day long for days
*Grandma & Roy as they are the one's doing night duty at the hospital and not getting much sleep
*Great Grandma for her willingness to do whatever and go where ever she's need.....very tiring keeping up with our family's excitement
*The Mantia's (my sister & family) to stay strong and healthy as they watch and play with Torryn and still do all the extra's that I need them to do...basically putting their lives on hold for us
LOTS TO PRAY FOR...that's why we need you:)
Thank you so much LeeAnn, Gale, Julie and Jen for all your extra time you are giving to my family....there really are no words....only tears of thankfulness as I think of each of you!!
All that said and done....I want to leave you with some encouragement....
**Don't forget that Takai's birth was a miracle....he and I should not have survived my ruptured uterus
**Tala's still being with us is a miracle.....she was so bad off that she should have at least been in a coma if not worse
**Takai could have gotten so obstructed and could have stopped breathing at anytime....another miracle
Believe in miracles....I DO!!!
The questioned I'm pondering so often right now is "Why am I the privileged one to be a part of so many of these miracles?" Hebrews 13:5 says "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." He keeps proving this to me. Please be encouraged by our miracles....maybe one is waiting around the corner for you.....watch carefully or you might miss it.:)
Things will continue to be busy for a while. But I love hearing from you. Please know that your emails, cards, calls, etc. are always an encouragement for me.
With Peace, Shannon
Monday, February 26, 2007
Losing My Long Locks
When most of us think of cancer, we immediately wonder about hair. Huh? Yes, hair. Everyone wants to know if the person is going to loss their hair.
I learned how naive I really was when I started this journey. I thought everyone lost theirs. But actually, it has to do with only a couple of chemo drugs that cause it. Granted, they are very common ones. But it opened my eyes to the fact that their are many, many people walking amongst us that are going through cancer without us even knowing because they still have their hair.
For me, I am one of the lucky ones....I lost my hair.
Lucky, or as I like to refer to it...blessed. The lessons I have learned through this one small part of my journey have been life changing. Don't get me wrong, I did NOT want to loss my hair. I have gone through life with hair down to my behind. I have had short hair only once and hated it. So losing my hair brought about very high anxiety just thinking about it. Also, the fact that I had only about 3-4 weeks to prepare for it didn't help. (It usually happens after the first treatment or 2.)
Along with my own feelings, I was concerned for my 6 year old daughter. She was bound to have some issues with the whole experience. How does one go about doing all this if front of watchful eyes? Thankfully, with the advice of a good friend, I was able to 'tackle' this challenge with a little bit of 'style'.
I chose to have my kids be a part of the whole thing from the start. We were upfront about what was going to happen and why. We told them that losing my hair was a blessing. It meant that the 'big medicine' (what we called my chemo) was doing it's job. I was blessed with many wigs. They are all styles, lengths and colors. I have had a blast having a different look everyday. I can go from being a brunette to a blonde to a red head. How fun!
The funny thing is that I wanted to go about this obstacle with some dignity and grace (mostly for Tala's sake). But in the end, God is teaching me one of the biggest lessons of my life.
"Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor."
- Proverbs 18:12
Cancer is showing me how proud my heart truly is. And it is my downfall. I am thankful that I have been given this opportunity to change my prideful ways. Having clumps of hair fall out and see it all over is a lesson in humility if I have ever seen one. It would be easy for God to 'remove' the hair issue from cancer. What I mean is that He could make it so none of us has to loss our hair while going through this. But He hasn't. Maybe because they go hand in hand to aide us in learning how to honor Him.
They both together allow us to see our downfall, learn to surrender our pride and with true humility, learn to honor Him with everything that is left....a heart ready to receive Him with no reservations.
Yes, losing my hair has been, by far, one of the toughest things I have had to go through emotionally. But I will forever be grateful for this unique opportunity to learn the true meaning of humility.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Thank You
To my dear Friends
How sad it is that I'm resorting to this tacky way of saying Thank You. But I know you all understand that my time is limited right now. And the little I have is being spent with my kids and taking naps:) I have for many days been trying to get to the writing of cards...but a good friend told me to not even worry about it. Of course, I still can't stop thinking about it and all of you. So I came up with a compromise for myself. Please don't think of yourself or your actions as tacky as my gesture to Thank You.
Stephanie: Thank you for your willingness to have Tala over and take her to dance on Tuesdays. She loves going to your house and playing. I appreciate your sensitivity to her sweet spirit and for loving her with a mother's heart.
Wendy: Wow! I have been given so much, that I was so thankful for your thoughtfulness for my kids. They loved their gifts...and I appreciated that you even wrapped them. You, too, loved my children with such a mother's love.
Thanks! (And when time presents itself, I will be trying to call you for advice on some of the stuff you mentioned in your email to me.)
Karen: It's sad that it takes something like this for us to be in touch with each other again...but I was so glad to talk to you. And what a surprise to get the booties (which will always be a keepsake for Takai) and for my afghan that I know you made with love. I will cuddle with a smile. Mahalo
Denise: What can I say to a lady with your sweet spirit?! You mean so much to me. I do thank God for you and how you fervently hold me up to Him daily. When I think of you I have no doubt of your commitment to be with me through this whole journey. Everyone should have a sister like you to look up to. (Thank you also for the little but big things that you are doing...like writing Thank You notes for me to others...how thoughtful.)
Amy: It's amazing how we see each other every few years, but still feel close to one another because of our special connection. Thanks for the CD. What a nice and unexpected gift. Thanks for thinking of me and what my spirit might be needing right now.
Kathy & Lee: You guys are awesome. LeeAnn already told you we would love to have your table and chairs. Thanks for thinking of us. It's beautiful and I am so excited. Thank you for being so giving.
Betty: Your quilt is Torryn and my's new nap time blankie. So unexpected!! Secretly you have to know that I have always wanted one of your quilts...now I got one. Thank you for immediately thinking of me. When Susan told me about it I was so excited. And now it's here and I'm still excited when I see it and cuddle with it.
Jimmy & Shawyne: I loooove being in touch with you guys again. Thank you for your gift. It was very thoughtful. I can't begin to thank you both though for all your prayers. Like my friend, Denise, I know you are going to Him on my behave many, many times over. I love you!
Jen & Julie: How can I thank you two for the unbelievable gift of your giving. The Garage Sale, everything at Grace, loving me and my family, taking care of us last week when my Mom was sick, etc, etc, etc. In such a short time you have come to mean so much to me. I smile every time I think of either of you. Thank you both so much....and please relay to your families how much I DO NOT take their sacrifice of you being away from them for granted. They are special people too!!!!!
Susan, Antoinette & Julie: I love you!!! Thank you for being there for me in so many ways. You are and forever will be My Girls...need I say more?!
The Daughters, the Dunbars & the Thompsons: To my faithful prayer warriors. I know that I am never far from your minds and hearts. Thank you mommys and daddys for teaching your little ones how important it is to think of others and to pray for them. I just love that they are praying for me too. Please tell them that I love them.
LeeAnn: What can I say to my friend who is helping me hold it all together through all of this. There really are no words. Our friendship started out just being that...a friendship. I am so thankful that He brought us together as
sisters. Thank you for being there for everything and willing to do anything. I don't know how other people make it without one of you in their lives. I truly cherish you!
Mom: How do you thank someone for giving up their own life for you to have yours. You truly do resemble Christ in your love and actions towards me.
Roy: You never leave me in the hospitals, you are holding my heart so tenderly through this, you are giving up yourself's comforts for others to invade, you are getting to know your kids with the 'feminine' side of you for me, and you are doing it all for me. I love you!
Again, I know this is a tacky way to go about thanking all of you for so much that means the world to me. But I truly do appreciate all of you and everything you have done for me and my family throughout the beginning part of this
journey.
In Him,Shannon
How sad it is that I'm resorting to this tacky way of saying Thank You. But I know you all understand that my time is limited right now. And the little I have is being spent with my kids and taking naps:) I have for many days been trying to get to the writing of cards...but a good friend told me to not even worry about it. Of course, I still can't stop thinking about it and all of you. So I came up with a compromise for myself. Please don't think of yourself or your actions as tacky as my gesture to Thank You.
Stephanie: Thank you for your willingness to have Tala over and take her to dance on Tuesdays. She loves going to your house and playing. I appreciate your sensitivity to her sweet spirit and for loving her with a mother's heart.
Wendy: Wow! I have been given so much, that I was so thankful for your thoughtfulness for my kids. They loved their gifts...and I appreciated that you even wrapped them. You, too, loved my children with such a mother's love.
Thanks! (And when time presents itself, I will be trying to call you for advice on some of the stuff you mentioned in your email to me.)
Karen: It's sad that it takes something like this for us to be in touch with each other again...but I was so glad to talk to you. And what a surprise to get the booties (which will always be a keepsake for Takai) and for my afghan that I know you made with love. I will cuddle with a smile. Mahalo
Denise: What can I say to a lady with your sweet spirit?! You mean so much to me. I do thank God for you and how you fervently hold me up to Him daily. When I think of you I have no doubt of your commitment to be with me through this whole journey. Everyone should have a sister like you to look up to. (Thank you also for the little but big things that you are doing...like writing Thank You notes for me to others...how thoughtful.)
Amy: It's amazing how we see each other every few years, but still feel close to one another because of our special connection. Thanks for the CD. What a nice and unexpected gift. Thanks for thinking of me and what my spirit might be needing right now.
Kathy & Lee: You guys are awesome. LeeAnn already told you we would love to have your table and chairs. Thanks for thinking of us. It's beautiful and I am so excited. Thank you for being so giving.
Betty: Your quilt is Torryn and my's new nap time blankie. So unexpected!! Secretly you have to know that I have always wanted one of your quilts...now I got one. Thank you for immediately thinking of me. When Susan told me about it I was so excited. And now it's here and I'm still excited when I see it and cuddle with it.
Jimmy & Shawyne: I loooove being in touch with you guys again. Thank you for your gift. It was very thoughtful. I can't begin to thank you both though for all your prayers. Like my friend, Denise, I know you are going to Him on my behave many, many times over. I love you!
Jen & Julie: How can I thank you two for the unbelievable gift of your giving. The Garage Sale, everything at Grace, loving me and my family, taking care of us last week when my Mom was sick, etc, etc, etc. In such a short time you have come to mean so much to me. I smile every time I think of either of you. Thank you both so much....and please relay to your families how much I DO NOT take their sacrifice of you being away from them for granted. They are special people too!!!!!
Susan, Antoinette & Julie: I love you!!! Thank you for being there for me in so many ways. You are and forever will be My Girls...need I say more?!
The Daughters, the Dunbars & the Thompsons: To my faithful prayer warriors. I know that I am never far from your minds and hearts. Thank you mommys and daddys for teaching your little ones how important it is to think of others and to pray for them. I just love that they are praying for me too. Please tell them that I love them.
LeeAnn: What can I say to my friend who is helping me hold it all together through all of this. There really are no words. Our friendship started out just being that...a friendship. I am so thankful that He brought us together as
sisters. Thank you for being there for everything and willing to do anything. I don't know how other people make it without one of you in their lives. I truly cherish you!
Mom: How do you thank someone for giving up their own life for you to have yours. You truly do resemble Christ in your love and actions towards me.
Roy: You never leave me in the hospitals, you are holding my heart so tenderly through this, you are giving up yourself's comforts for others to invade, you are getting to know your kids with the 'feminine' side of you for me, and you are doing it all for me. I love you!
Again, I know this is a tacky way to go about thanking all of you for so much that means the world to me. But I truly do appreciate all of you and everything you have done for me and my family throughout the beginning part of this
journey.
In Him,Shannon
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
update 1/23/07
To my family & friends,
A few of you already know most of what I am about to share. But there are some that have not heard the news of how the Pinkard household has been changed in the past three weeks.
On Friday Dec. 29th I received a phone call from my doctor with the diagnosis of having Breast Cancer. From that moment on my world has been full of excitement. By PM that afternoon I had an amnio done to see if the baby was ready to be delivered (he would be 4 weeks early.) And at 11 PM that evening we received the call from my OB to say we would be having a baby at 11am the next morning. Needless to say, Roy and I were trying to absorb it all while trying to spend some time with Tala & Torryn before we were off for a 4 day trip in the hospital.
At 12:18pm Dec30th our baby boy was born healthy.
Takai Abraham Makanakamanaolana Pinkard
5lbs 8 ounces 17 1/2 inches
He did need oxygen assistance for about 3 hours and needed antibiotics for 3 days....therefore he was in the NECU while we were in the hospital. The few days we were there were with mixed emotions. As you can imagine, we were overjoyed with the baby. But we were trying to digest the fact of my disease.
We are thankful that we were picked by God to witness just the first of His gracious miracles. In the operating room while my doctor was cutting to where my uterus should have been...she discovered that I had already ruptured. And staring back at a room of about 15 people (including Roy) through my water bag was our little boy. This was not a normal thing. No one in the room had ever seen anything like this. Takai became known as the "miracle baby" throughout the labor & delivery, maternity and Necu.
Everyone was amazed that we had survived thus far. My doctor explained that the rupture was quite large and that all the baby had to do was move and poke through my water bag and he would have had no chance and my chances would have been 10% lying on an operating table....so basically at that moment, we were able to say that so far cancer had saved our lives.
Wednesday morning I was able to get a CAT scan done while there. (We are very thankful that my OB is a wonderful lady who was ready to help my specialist in any way...and she is a good friend too.) At 12pm I got a call from my OB with the results. It confirmed our worst fears. The cancer had already to spread to other parts of my body. I have 2 tumors in my breast. One very large one along with a smaller one. It has also spread to my spine, liver, spleen, lymph nodes and I have a little fluid in my lungs.
There is really no way to explain what we were going through at that moment. Complete shock!
But our God is good and He continued to send us little reminders that He really was in control even though life felt otherwise.
Friday - diagnosis
Saturday - Baby
Wednesday - CAT scan results and home
Thursday brought me into my oncologist office and I began Chemo.
They start with chemo for my type of cancer because we hope it will bring some of the swelling down with the cancer and also because I am already at stage IV. Which means the cancer is very aggressive so they need to be aggressive in the type of treatment I receive. Since then I am thankful to be able to say that I did not get very sick. I was very tired and had a lot of aches and pains (bone pains are common from the chemo.) Nausea came very little and they give lots of medicine. We are continually praying that each treatment will be like the first, although it is all cumulative...so it could get worse each time. My hope is that it is all bearable for the kids sake.
As you can imagine life has changed dramatically for all of us. I am so thankful that my Mom has been here the entire time taking care of all of us. Roy was finally able to go back to work this week...but always worrying about us at home. The kids are definitely feeling the change of not having Mommy at her best. Please keep us all in your prayers as this is going to be a long journey.
During this time I have had so many blessings come my way through so many people. Monetary donations, dinners, diapers, formula, Gatorade, gift baskets, etc, etc. Some of you have bent over backwards to show your love and support for my family. Some of you are family and friends, but others are new to my life. It has already been so unbelievable to experience the outpouring of love and support from so many. A garage sale was held in honor of the "Pinkards" and we were humbled by the amount raised. Along with that are so many other actions that have touched my heart. Thank you to all who have given to my family in one way or another.
This is a learning process for all of us. We have been told that the first 2 weeks after a treatment will be when I am weakest. And the 3rd week I should be feeling better. It is my goal to be able to personally send out an email to touch base with all of you during that 3rd week. My friend LeeAnn will be doing all other email updates for me. Her address is coffeemama@cox.net. Please note this so you don't erase her messages.
I will be getting my 2nd treatment this Thursday. When I'm feeling sick and not up to doing a whole lot, my phone calls are being screened....but please feel free to try anyways. Even if I don't have the chance to talk, it is always nice to know that you called. And please know that you are not bothering me during this time. We are trying to be very careful with my health. Therefore, I am not having visitors (to keep out germs) and I am only going to doctor's appointments. So calls, letters and emails are very welcome.
Again, please remember my friend LeeAnn. She has been one of those blessings I mentioned. She will be glad to answer any questions you may have or relay any message. What we need most from everyone is to continually hold me and my family up in prayer. Already God has blessed us so much through this experience. But daily we need His strength to make it through to the next.
I am thankful for each of you.
Shannon
A few of you already know most of what I am about to share. But there are some that have not heard the news of how the Pinkard household has been changed in the past three weeks.
On Friday Dec. 29th I received a phone call from my doctor with the diagnosis of having Breast Cancer. From that moment on my world has been full of excitement. By PM that afternoon I had an amnio done to see if the baby was ready to be delivered (he would be 4 weeks early.) And at 11 PM that evening we received the call from my OB to say we would be having a baby at 11am the next morning. Needless to say, Roy and I were trying to absorb it all while trying to spend some time with Tala & Torryn before we were off for a 4 day trip in the hospital.
At 12:18pm Dec30th our baby boy was born healthy.
Takai Abraham Makanakamanaolana Pinkard
5lbs 8 ounces 17 1/2 inches
He did need oxygen assistance for about 3 hours and needed antibiotics for 3 days....therefore he was in the NECU while we were in the hospital. The few days we were there were with mixed emotions. As you can imagine, we were overjoyed with the baby. But we were trying to digest the fact of my disease.
We are thankful that we were picked by God to witness just the first of His gracious miracles. In the operating room while my doctor was cutting to where my uterus should have been...she discovered that I had already ruptured. And staring back at a room of about 15 people (including Roy) through my water bag was our little boy. This was not a normal thing. No one in the room had ever seen anything like this. Takai became known as the "miracle baby" throughout the labor & delivery, maternity and Necu.
Everyone was amazed that we had survived thus far. My doctor explained that the rupture was quite large and that all the baby had to do was move and poke through my water bag and he would have had no chance and my chances would have been 10% lying on an operating table....so basically at that moment, we were able to say that so far cancer had saved our lives.
Wednesday morning I was able to get a CAT scan done while there. (We are very thankful that my OB is a wonderful lady who was ready to help my specialist in any way...and she is a good friend too.) At 12pm I got a call from my OB with the results. It confirmed our worst fears. The cancer had already to spread to other parts of my body. I have 2 tumors in my breast. One very large one along with a smaller one. It has also spread to my spine, liver, spleen, lymph nodes and I have a little fluid in my lungs.
There is really no way to explain what we were going through at that moment. Complete shock!
But our God is good and He continued to send us little reminders that He really was in control even though life felt otherwise.
Friday - diagnosis
Saturday - Baby
Wednesday - CAT scan results and home
Thursday brought me into my oncologist office and I began Chemo.
They start with chemo for my type of cancer because we hope it will bring some of the swelling down with the cancer and also because I am already at stage IV. Which means the cancer is very aggressive so they need to be aggressive in the type of treatment I receive. Since then I am thankful to be able to say that I did not get very sick. I was very tired and had a lot of aches and pains (bone pains are common from the chemo.) Nausea came very little and they give lots of medicine. We are continually praying that each treatment will be like the first, although it is all cumulative...so it could get worse each time. My hope is that it is all bearable for the kids sake.
As you can imagine life has changed dramatically for all of us. I am so thankful that my Mom has been here the entire time taking care of all of us. Roy was finally able to go back to work this week...but always worrying about us at home. The kids are definitely feeling the change of not having Mommy at her best. Please keep us all in your prayers as this is going to be a long journey.
During this time I have had so many blessings come my way through so many people. Monetary donations, dinners, diapers, formula, Gatorade, gift baskets, etc, etc. Some of you have bent over backwards to show your love and support for my family. Some of you are family and friends, but others are new to my life. It has already been so unbelievable to experience the outpouring of love and support from so many. A garage sale was held in honor of the "Pinkards" and we were humbled by the amount raised. Along with that are so many other actions that have touched my heart. Thank you to all who have given to my family in one way or another.
This is a learning process for all of us. We have been told that the first 2 weeks after a treatment will be when I am weakest. And the 3rd week I should be feeling better. It is my goal to be able to personally send out an email to touch base with all of you during that 3rd week. My friend LeeAnn will be doing all other email updates for me. Her address is coffeemama@cox.net. Please note this so you don't erase her messages.
I will be getting my 2nd treatment this Thursday. When I'm feeling sick and not up to doing a whole lot, my phone calls are being screened....but please feel free to try anyways. Even if I don't have the chance to talk, it is always nice to know that you called. And please know that you are not bothering me during this time. We are trying to be very careful with my health. Therefore, I am not having visitors (to keep out germs) and I am only going to doctor's appointments. So calls, letters and emails are very welcome.
Again, please remember my friend LeeAnn. She has been one of those blessings I mentioned. She will be glad to answer any questions you may have or relay any message. What we need most from everyone is to continually hold me and my family up in prayer. Already God has blessed us so much through this experience. But daily we need His strength to make it through to the next.
I am thankful for each of you.
Shannon
Monday, January 22, 2007
Thursday, January 4, 2007
To Breathe
My girls are here. I'm able to breathe just to have them with me. I realize God presents himself in many 'shapes & forms'. I am forever grateful for molding Himself in a comforting and tangible way during these first few days.
They are His hands, His hugs, His words, His comfort, His joy, His laughter, His peace.
I can see Him because of them. I am able to breathe.
They are His hands, His hugs, His words, His comfort, His joy, His laughter, His peace.
I can see Him because of them. I am able to breathe.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
My First Scans
January 3rd, 2007. I'm still in the hospital and Dr. T offered to do the scans to get things rolling. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have to absorb such results.
The cancer has spread. Spleen, spine, kidneys, liver & lungs. Roy and I are in a state of shock. The only thing of certainty that I have is GOD. I look at my family & friends all around me and I know that time and this disease can take them from me....or should I say...me from them. Deep, deep in my soul, I know this. By medical standards I know this is a 'death sentence'.
I see only 2 choices. Hope or give up.
I choose hope.
Hope in my Heavenly Father. Hope for all the things He has promised me. Hope for all I have claimed to believe.
I CHOOSE HOPE!!!
The cancer has spread. Spleen, spine, kidneys, liver & lungs. Roy and I are in a state of shock. The only thing of certainty that I have is GOD. I look at my family & friends all around me and I know that time and this disease can take them from me....or should I say...me from them. Deep, deep in my soul, I know this. By medical standards I know this is a 'death sentence'.
I see only 2 choices. Hope or give up.
I choose hope.
Hope in my Heavenly Father. Hope for all the things He has promised me. Hope for all I have claimed to believe.
I CHOOSE HOPE!!!
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