Engraved

~love, beauty, courage & respect~

When I looked up the meaning for a 'red' rose...these were the first 4 words. Do you know what else this defines? My mom. She was love in it's truest form. She may have come across as 'hard' to those who did not know her well...but it didn't take long was you spent time with her to realize that she was complete beauty. Inside & out. And her courage went from one end of the earth to the other. She never let fear stop her in tackling anything placed before her. Everything was done completely & head on. And because of these three other characteristics, one couldn't help but come to respect her. She was the real deal.

She also loved red roses. They held special meaning to her. She had many pictures & items throughout her house reflecting the red rose. She even had one tattooed on her ankle. Everyone who knew her well, knew that this was her 'thing'.

I have written your name on the palms of my hands. ~ Isaiah 49:16

This verse has always held special meaning to me ever since I read my friend, Christina's thoughts on it. I truly do believe God prepares us for what is to come sometimes. And this is one of those cases for me. The entry that Christina wrote about her beloved Judson in relation to this verse is one that I reread many times. Why? I was never sure. I even questioned it. I mean if you spend anytime reading anything from Christina....it ALL draws you in. She is a gifted writer for sure. So why this entry?

Preparation for the days that were to come in my world. Preparation to make a choice for a loved one that I will always hold dear.

My mom.

I knew almost immediately what I would be doing.

While I was home on Maui, I engraved this on my wrist. (Well, not me personally, a tattoo artist did it :)) It is a symbol I see many times every single day. It's a permanent reminder of my mom. Her character of love, beauty, courage & respect. And although it was decided to do this to honor her...It was placed strategically to honor the One who gave her to me. The One who permanently & forever engraved me on the palms of His hands. Every time I look at it my heart is filled with a depth of emotion that places both my feet on Holy Ground. Death has seemed to help me know the full capacity of Life. And getting this tattoo has been a visual reminder of that throughout my days.

(Although I value all opinions of those who love the Lord & love me....this entry is not intended to be an open forum & debate on whether or not a tattoo is right or wrong in the Biblical sense. It really is okay if we differ in this area. I mean, one of my closest & dearest friends, 'Bobby', completely holds opposite standards on this subject. But he loves & respects me regardless of the TWO tattoos that I fashion.....and I certainly don't hold it against him that he has chosen to shy away from the ink. We are both children of the same God. And our love for each other & the Father is not altered because we differ in this area. This entry was written solely to draw you to the most intense Love that we have ever had lavished upon us. ~I have written your name on the palms of my hands.~)

By Faith, Not Sight

I found the follow little story on a friends CaringBridge site. I've never read this....but I love it. Out of the mouths of babes.......

One Nation, 'Under God'.
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a
classroom. The teacher was going to explain
evolution to the children.

The TEACHER asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.


TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yes.


TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky..


TEACHER: Did you see God up there?

TOMMY: No.


TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just
doesn't exist….

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the LITTLE GIRL asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?


TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?


TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?


TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?


TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly
may not even have one!


'FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT' ~II CORINTHIANS 5:7

Somebody sure is raising their kids right!

Home Is Where God Is

I got a beautiful card from a friend a little bit ago. I've been carrying it everywhere. It has been helping me keep perspective during the tough moments. I wanted to share what was written on the front of it....



Home Is Where God Is


There's no place like home,
and there's no home like the one
God is preparing for us someday.

We cling to the familiar, not understanding
that a far greater miracle awaits us
when we cross from this life into eternity.

There, Jesus waits to escort His own
into a place of sweet peace & blessed rest.

There, we can finally see with veil removed
the beauty which our souls
have so longed to know.

There, our loved ones wait with eager anticipation
for us to celebrate with them
the joys for which we were ultimately created.

If we were allowed one glimpse of that place,
our real home, we would not hold too tightly
to the ones gone before us.

Instead, we would grieve because we cannot
go with them ~ because home, after all,
is where God is.

~Rebecca Barlow Jordan

Thank you, Lisa, for taking time to bless me with a perfect card for such a time as this.

Mother's Day without...

It's the end of my first Mother's Day without my mom. And honestly....it was horrible. Other words that come to mind are heart wrenching, exhausting, sad, lonely, surreal, and just plain miserable. I know it should have been made better being with my own kids. And, by all means, it did. But there is no mistaking the emptiness that has weighted itself upon me since last night.

I miss my Mom more than words could ever express. It's been 3 months and nothing, absolutely nothing, is easier about it. Time has not healed, yet. I just want to talk with her, make plans with her...I want to know that she's still here. Reality is not what I want.

I will say this though...I realized as I dragged myself through this day...that I will forever be grateful to the One who so perfectly blessed me with an irreplaceable mother and the bestest of friends. Mother's Day did truly suck. But I'm sure it's because I'm missing one terrific lady...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM!!!

Crater

Mourning is not disbelieving flooded eyes don't represent a faithless heart. A person can enter a cemetery - certain of life after death - and still have a Twin Tower crater in their heart. Christ did. He wept and he knew he was ten minutes away from seeing a living Lazarus! And His tears give you permission to shed your own...So grieve, but don't grieve like those who don't know the rest of the story. ~Max Lucado

Although I am certain of the rest of the story, there is a very large crater that exist within my heart. And it's not going anywhere anytime soon......

Messy Arguments

This week should have been about missing my mom and all the new stuff going on with my heart. But no, that was not the case. Last Friday there was a sudden change at Tala's school. Her teacher resigned and there was an abrupt need for my daughter to adjust, yet again, to major change in her life. The piece of my heart that is reserved just for her seemed to break into a million pieces as she asked my why was everyone leaving her? First, Grandma & and now my teacher.

Now people, I do know that is an 8 year talking...through emotions. But still, break my heart.


Monday comes and in the midst of preparing for my appointment with the cardiologist...a dear friend seems to have made the decision that our friendship is just not beneficial to her anymore. This friendship is a deep part of me.


The week progresses with these two incidences at the forefront of my mind and heart. Arguments, disagreements, fighting, communication, trust, discernment, consequences are just a few of the things that I was facing during my quiet moments. As I cried out to God, trying to figure out all the 'details' on both accounts...He revealed His very heart on the matter.
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Messy Arguments… “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Proverbs 17:14


Messy arguments are the result of fighting in the flesh. It is relational suicide and can cause wounds that won’t easily be forgotten. Anger is the primary driver behind messy arguments. Hard feelings are unable to get past not being heard, or not getting its way. For productive discussions over disagreements, level heads must prevail.


Spirit-filled followers of Jesus have the capacity to not only fight fair, but disagree respectfully while seeking to understand the others’ point of view. If your mind is already made up, then there is little possibility for positive relational results. Your friendship does not have to be sacrificed to make a point. In fact, people grow deeper in love and respect when they first bring their disagreements to the Lord, and let Him lead their lives.


Ask, ‘What does God think?’ Because you do not argue with the Almighty, “Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker…” (Isaiah 45:9). Bickering is marginalized when two people review God’s game plan for disagreements (Matthew 18:15-17).


Lastly, once you make your point clearly, concisely and maturely you can trust the Lord and the responsible parties to do the right thing. Everyone is accountable, so the actions sown will reap consequences, good or bad. Therefore prayerfully ask, ‘Am I full of grace and truth in my communications?’ ‘Do I honor others, especially those with whom I disagree?’ A pure heart prevents messy arguments. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1)
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As I opened up my devotion today...that is what God gave me. I felt myself breathe easier knowing exactly what I am to do. What I am called to do. It doesn't matter what anyone else's choices or actions are. I am not to resort to the gossip, I am not to resort to the arguing, I am not to resort to the bitterness. I am called to honor others and keep my heart pure so that grace can prevail to allow Him to shine through.

So, as I choose to take the necessary actions to step out of these 'messy arguments'...I look forward to seeing what next week will bring. And between you & me, I sure hope it's less full of the unexpected. :)