Sitting on the Edge of Hell

"God, you're my last chance of the day.

I spend the night on my knees before you.

Put me on your salvation agenda;

take notes on the trouble I'm in.

I've had my fill of trouble;

I'm camped on the edge of hell.

I'm written off as a lost cause,

one more statistic, a hopeless case."

- Psalm 88:1-4

This place I am in is the ultimate of earthly loneliness. I am surrounded by more than ever before. But yet, I am lonely. Not one has been in my shoes. Thus, the understanding is only limited to the extent of knowledge and God given sensitivity.

There is One though. One who can reach me. One who can pull me from this place. One who will come to the edge of hell to guide me to a place that is not so hot.

While I'm in this place, I am reminded of a few things. I'm not IN hell. I'm only on the edge. For some reason, or maybe many....God has allowed these things to transpire in my life and the lives of my family. BUT He IS here with us. He has not nor will never leave us in this place alone. Already I have been blessed to feel Him in a new and mysterious way. Only because of where I am is this possible. Would I have chosen this path for myself. NO. But without is I would be so much emptier.

I am lonely. But I am not alone. Many are here, willing to hold my hand as I walk down this uncharted road. And for reasons I may never know this side of heaven, I am sitting on the edge of hell.

"I'm written off as a lost cause, one more statistic, a hopeless case." Thankfully, my God is a loving God. One who comes to the aide of those who are lost. He is not at God of statistics...He just IS. And most importantly, He can take anything that looks hopeless and transform it. Because He is Hope.

I may be sitting on the edge of hell. But with His love I am gaining strength to stand & turn my back to the heat.

My Heartbeat

Life is busy. My life, your life,everyones. In this busy world of ours, I sometimes find it hard to grab a quiet moment to relax with my God and His Word. I am so thankful for His creation of music. It is where my soul replenishes itself. It should not take away from Scripture....but I do believe He can use it to teach and feed us if we just listen.

Miracle of the Moment by Steven Curtis Chapman
There's only One who knows

What's really out there waiting

And all the moments yet to be

And all we need to know

He's out there waiting

To Him the future's history

And He has given us a treasure called right now

And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out

And listen to your heartbeat

There's a wonder in the here and now

It's right there in front of you

And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears

Then taste them as they fall

Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter

Then throw your head back

And let it go

Let it go, yeah

You gotta let it go

And listen to your heartbeat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rResKXjKqjQ

I will always be thankful how He is bringing me through this journey. He is enabling me to listen to my heartbeat more closely.

How thankful am I that He consumes it?!

update 3/18/07

This is an update the night after Tala was hospitalized diagnosed with diabetes and Takai was also admitted to the hospital. It's inbetween my 4th & 5th treatments.
Tala's sugar count was 895, well beyond 'safe'. It is a miracle that she was still with us. Although, she was pretty out of it, she was conscious the whole time. Medically, it was amazing by the staff that treated her.
Needless to say, I was quite weak upon hearing, 5 hours after admitting Tala, that Takai was being rushed by ambulance with my Mom because of breathing issues. Seriously, I think I literally went on auto pilot. Once Takai got there, it was endless test to see what the issue was. He ended having an odd swelling in his throat that need surgery.
Knowing that 2 of my children were fighting for their lives in 2 seperate places was beyond what I thought I could handle. Thankfully, I'm not the One in charge.:) God is good and He continues to amaze me with each turn of events. The enemy continues to try and strike me down. And even when I am weak, my Jesus is strong. Thank goodness. Because I have never felt so weak. Literally. In every capacity. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I AM in the palm of His hand.

Family & Friends

Wow!! What a wild past few days it has been...and it's not over yet. But I wanted to take a quick moment to thank you all for you prayers and support. All of this has been overwhelming to say the least. But it has been made a little easier to bare with the help so many of you have given.

Both kids are doing good. Takai had a small surgical procedure done yesterday to get rid of the growth on the inside of his throat. He cannot be released until they figure out what it was. Lots of test are being done on it, but he is doing wonderfully. Eating, sleeping, breathing, and just so happy. He's like a new baby. Tala has stabilize and just an hour ago was taken off all of her IVs. She began taking shots this evening, which are not fun. But they need to happen in order for her to go home.

Things we will need prayer on:

*Tala to come to terms with such a BIG thing in her life
*Tala to be able to handle her shots well....they are not fun for any of us....so extra hard for a child
*Shannon to come to terms with her little girl having to go through this....only mother's understand a mother's heart *Roy to come to terms too....only fathers can understand his helplessness as a father who want's to protect his little girl.
*Shannon's immune system to stay healthy while being stressed, tired and in the hospital environment
*Takai to continue to thrive and go home on Monday
*Torryn to be okay as things are CRAZY at home and he's having to go without mommy all day long for days
*Grandma & Roy as they are the one's doing night duty at the hospital and not getting much sleep
*Great Grandma for her willingness to do whatever and go where ever she's need.....very tiring keeping up with our family's excitement
*The Mantia's (my sister & family) to stay strong and healthy as they watch and play with Torryn and still do all the extra's that I need them to do...basically putting their lives on hold for us

LOTS TO PRAY FOR...that's why we need you:)


Thank you so much LeeAnn, Gale, Julie and Jen for all your extra time you are giving to my family....there really are no words....only tears of thankfulness as I think of each of you!!

All that said and done....I want to leave you with some encouragement....

**Don't forget that Takai's birth was a miracle....he and I should not have survived my ruptured uterus
**Tala's still being with us is a miracle.....she was so bad off that she should have at least been in a coma if not worse
**Takai could have gotten so obstructed and could have stopped breathing at anytime....another miracle

Believe in miracles....I DO!!!

The questioned I'm pondering so often right now is "Why am I the privileged one to be a part of so many of these miracles?" Hebrews 13:5 says "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." He keeps proving this to me. Please be encouraged by our miracles....maybe one is waiting around the corner for you.....watch carefully or you might miss it.:)

Things will continue to be busy for a while. But I love hearing from you. Please know that your emails, cards, calls, etc. are always an encouragement for me.

With Peace, Shannon