Empty Space

As I reflect on God's creative power, I think of all He created. Just what is here on our planet is mind boggling. But when I think of outside our earthly box....it has me pondering space. Why is there more out there. He took time to create beyond our natural needs. Man, animals, land & sea, light & darkness, heaven & hell....they all make sence. But why other planets? Other planets lead to outer space. Outerspace leads my mind to question Him in a more complex way. Why did He feel the need to create outside the 'box'?

Outer space is a 'place' that is big. So I, like many, tend to think of a 'higher being'. And in my case....My Heavenly Father. But what perplexes me is the choosing of the 'name'- outer space. Space seems to reference emptiness. But I have come to the conclusion that with God it is just not so. In the spiritual world there is no empty space. God does not leave us to just 'wonder'. He is always there. His presence never leaves us. We are the ones who have left Him and tend to struggle to find Him. It seems that we are looking for Him when a tribulation has presented itself. And then we question why God is taking so long to answer. Or we tend to feel that He has left us in the 'desert' to thirst.

On the contrary.....

Our loving Creator sometimes authors events so that time can be a tool of teaching & learning. Time & emptiness are NOT one in the same.

So as I sit and question the desert I am thirsting in, it is my desire to remember that the 'empty space' (that I have always seen) becomes great education to my soul.

Praises from a Babe

I struggle daily, moment by moment, to praise the Lord. Do I want to? Yes, of course. But the older I get, the more this struggle persist.

How do I do it right? That is the question I continue to ask myself. As if writing a sensitive letter to someone that is hurting, I do not want to offend them. Just like I don't want to offend God with the wrong way.

This morning I finally learned the 'right' way from Takai (my 1 year old). We were listening to a children's praise album as we were driving home from picking up the kids. I was singing along and glanced back (while at a stop sign) at the baby and saw him tapping his knee to the beat and 'rocking' to the music with a big smile on his face looking out the window. I sat watching him for about 30 seconds as he continued on this way. He was in God's presence, I'm sure. I was baffled at my ignorance all these years.
God doesn't want it 'right'....He just wants it.

Pure, simple, & sweet. No reservations & with nothing else occupying our thoughts.

Adults struggle with this. I struggle. There is so much in our world taking space in our hearts & minds. If we would just take the time to praise Him like my child did, then the chaos within us would subside.

Oh, how I yearn to be able to praise Him like a baby.

Update 1/16/08

It’s taken me a couple days to update, mainly because of just doing ‘mommy’ duties. But I wanted to let everyone know that I officially met with my oncologist last friday and we went over the last scans in person. Everything is great! Both the CAT scan and MRI showed no cancer. The only evidence of me even having had cancer in those areas (chest & brain) was the scarring that is normal for the course. I am most excited that the ‘not-so-fun’ Gamma Knife procedure I did back in August was worth going through. I have now gone from seeing my doc every couple of weeks to not having to see him for three months.

So, officially we can say that I am cancer free!!!

Nothing beats that….but I do want to say that I have been blessed this week. While I was in the middle of doctor’s appointments I got a call from my mom to tell me that I was getting a new bed. Some of you had conspired together and pitched in for me to be given this wonderful gift. (For those of you who don’t know: Roy & I have a very old bed that is doing nothing for the pain I am in from the damage to my spine.) So now our living room is filled with boxes waiting for Roy to put it together. I can’t wait! Thank you for blessing me in such a tangible way. I will be blessed every night by your thoughtfulness.

I have been battling with acceptance this week. The acceptance that this journey continues. I am just in another chapter. The acceptance that, although I am free from ‘the beast’, cancer will always be apart of my life. The acceptance that life will never be what it was before. There is such difference now with what ‘normal’ is for us as compared to everyone else. The acceptance that cancer will be a part of my ‘normal’ everyday from here on out.

With this acceptance I have found that I am grateful. Grateful for cancer. It has not only, literally, saved me life and the life of my baby...but it has saved my heart. It’s hard to swallow this type of gratefulness at times, because with it have been the hardest times of my life. But I do consider the spiritual insight that I have received during this horrific experience to be ‘the best thing’ that could have happened to me.

(I’ve shared this scripture before…but it one that has had great meaning to me throughout my journey)

“We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally – Not a bad idea since He’s the God who raises the dead! And He did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation – I don’t want you in the dark about that either.” 2 Corinthians 1:9-11 (MSG)

There continue to so many of you reaching out in, you claim, ‘small’ ways (which are actually really ‘big’ to me.) Thank you for all the thoughtfulness that comes our way. Prayers, ‘tangible’ things, monetary, written encouragements, word of hope, etc….are ALL blessings that will never be forgotten. Unless you have walked this road, or one similar to it….you will not be able to fully understand what a true blessing each of YOU are to me. I can only pray that God will grant you a little insight into my heart to know the joy that you bring me. Thank you never seems enough for all that you continue to do.

With joyful acceptance & gratitude
Love, Shannon

Walk with Grace

Did I walk with Grace?

How do you accept a death sentence with grace?

The CAT scan showed the cancer was everywhere. I shouldn't have been too surprised. The pain that I had been feeling was so incredibly intense at times it took over my body. Everyone just chalked it up to pregnancy pains. But I knew better. There where times that the only One who understood was God. I think it was His way of preparing me to lean on Him through the journey that I was about to step into.

Liver, spleen, spine, kidneys, fluid in lungs and 2 tumors......Inflammatory Breast Cancer Stage IV.....My life was not only altered in a few days time...it was literally turned upside down and thrown side to side.

So how do I express the peace that was holding me up when everyone else was falling apart?

"Peace that passes ALL understanding." It’s the only explanation.

Some don't want to hear about God at a time like this, but yet they want to cling to Him at the same time. I watched in my time of chemo as these people graced my doorstep to take care of me and my family. As I feel better now, a year later, I wonder how much of Him I let them see.

When I was at my rawest....who was I?

Did He shine through the pain? The tiredness? The frustration? The hurt? The fear?

Who did I reveal?

Did I accept and walk with Grace?

Why This Blog

My life resembles the making of pizza. It has been pounded, tossed up & spun around...only to have it done again and again. So many have asked me to share all the ingredients, the directions & process that has gone into this 'recipe'. Regardless of how I turn out...it is certain that I am being molded by my Master Chef. And as long as I stay in His hands, I will surely be baked to perfection.


...Thus, the reasons for this site.


WARNING: I believe my Master Chef to be the Master of ALL. If you have any allergies, you might want to check with your doctor. But don't be surprised if they refer you back...because the Master of All is also the Great Physician.

A Brief Overview of My Journey with Breast Cancer

On December 29th, 2006, I woke up like any other day. Work for hubby, school for my daughter, having fun with my little boy, and just anticipating the holidays . At 9:00 am, everything changed. A simple phone call shook my little world and turned it upside down. Normalcy as I knew it was gone forever. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.



I was 8 months pregnant & had to deliver the next day. Within 24 hours of my diagnosis we were able to say that the cancer saved my life along with my baby's. We soon found out that I had a very large tumor accompanied by a smaller one in my left breast. The grave news was that it had already Metastasized throughout many parts of my body: liver spleen, kidneys, spine and lungs just to name a few. Within 5 days I was diagnosed, delivered a baby by cesarean, started chemo and learned that I was a Stage IV Inflammatory Breast Cancer patient. And this was only the beginning.


My journey has also included lesions in my brain, infections, lots of very rare` side effects, many hospitalizations, my daughter being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, my infant hospitalized for an emergency surgery, blood clots, radiation surgery (Gamma Knife), bilateral mastectomy and many, many more medical 'bumps in the road'.


The road before me seemed grim & short. But my God is bigger than any diagnosis or medical fact. The blessings I have received throughout my journey far exceed the tribulations I have had to walk. Today I am still taking maintenance chemo along with enduring the lifelong effects that the cancer has left. My journey is far from over and far from easy...


BUT I am here today --CANCER FREE-- to tell anyone who will listen of how I have been miraculously saved by His grace alone.