Update 10/31/08

This week has been better than last in most areas. Thank you for all the encouragement and prayers. I appreciate them so much.

I got to see my doctor this week during treatment. Because of the many side effects I am having TO the medications for my other side effects :)...we are changing a few of them. It will probably be a juggling act for awhile. Frustration does seem to be at the forefront of my emotions in this area a lot of the time. Only because I so wish I could be a mommy to my kids as close to 100% as possible. Most of the time I know they are being short changed a great deal of so much. But don't you worry, I do try and balance these feelings with the knowing that I AM here and that in and of itself is HUGE for my kids...and me! :)

Most likely, I am looking at having surgery soon. My mom and I are trying to coordinate everything. Along with the fact that my doctor's assistant is working so hard to accommodate all of our 'timetable issues'...it should be Nov/Dec sometime.

There have been so many that are shocked that I am still in treatment. So I do want to clarify, that my maintenance originally was to be 5 years (give or take depending on scans, etc.) Because my case has 'stumped' some of the medical 'predictions'.....my maintenance will continue pending what shows on scans. It could continue for up to the 5 year mark. So, yes, for those who asked....I am a cancer patient still and I do get it through IV every 3 weeks. BUT lets not forget that I AM a survivor and more importantly...I am a here because of a healing MIRACLE.
Sobering, huh?!!!

I am excited that tomorrow at this time I will probably be in Barbara's company. I do know that her walking and vision are still issues. I have not heard anything else. I will send out an update soon after I get back. Until then, please continue to hold her up in prayer. It truly does mean so much.

Please continue to know how much you all mean. This is a road that can be extemely lonely. And it seems I'm on one of those paths right now. I know there are many who are in my corner. But when you are in the midst of something looking out at others who are, seemingly, not...well, let's just say I could say a mouthfull on this subject. But I will just stop there and again thank you for all your support and encourage you to look around at the people in your life that might need some lovin'. :)

Have a safe night tonight and a wonderful weekend
love, Shannon

Are You Ready?

People want honesty. But do they really want me to just 'tell it like it is'? I'm struggling to find the balance in this area. I like it when things are just going along smoothly...well, as smoothly as possible. :) I'm being pushed by a few that know a lot 'more' than others. "Everyone wants the whole story, not just parts that you think are good enough." "People want to know how to pray." "Help others see that you are still in the midst of the battle...just at a different level."

All three of these things have been said to me just this week. Not to mention everything else that has been said. So I am stretched. And definitely out of my comfort zone as far as transparency is concerned. Funny thing is, I thought I WAS being transparent. But now I see that I was 'picking and choosing'. I have been only allowing others to see exactly what I wanted. Painting a certain picture. My intentions have been good. But I have held back. There are things that could upset some. More importantly, there are things that would make me have to deal with embarrassment. Well....I'm over that.

First, let me say that everything I have ever said is truly how I feel/felt. Whether it just be for that moment, or far beyond it. And even if I 'failed' to completely give ALL the details...all was true. Just sifted through a bit. But would I allow my children to 'sift' through details and get away with it?!!! No way. I would turn that lesson into how wrong it is to lie. So as I reflect on this, it becomes really, very simple. I must tell the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth.......don't ya think?!!!!!


So as I venture into even more uncertain territory of allowing others see me thru and thru, be gentle in your perception of my reality. Please. Be cautious to form false opinions of what you may perceive me, my life and this situation to be. Please. Be able to sort through all that I may present and try to relate it to someone/s in your immediate life that you may be able to bless. Please. Take a breathe. Say a prayer. And read with an open heart to the reality that more people than we care to admit are hiding behind a smile and 'life is good' attitude just to be able to make it through the day....and to please.


My journey with cancer is enough. But there is more. A child with Diabetes, extreme financial hardship, relationships that are torn apart by self righteousness, a special needs child, marital issues, depression, physical pain that tops the charts are just a few of the issues that I will be opening up to my 'audience' about. Some I have already shared. Some will come as surprises to most. And even some will be news to everyone.

I am being stretched that's for sure. So I caution you that the 'tone' of what I will be writing about, may be more than you care to take in. That's okay. I understand if you need to bow out because this is more than you bargained for. Truly, truly I do. I've have to pretty much bow out of everything surrounding me just to be able to actually 'live' in the moments I've been granted with my family. And if you decide to stay and partake of what God lays on my heart to share in the upcoming days....then I am so blessed by your company. Thank you all no matter your choosing. Whether you go or stay...you are forever a blessing for being a part of my life. I am humbled everyday by the interest and love so many have for me.

Update 10/26/08

My week started out really yucky. Physically, mentally and emotionally. When I'm in those moments it's so much easier to allow myself to be encompassed by self pity. Thankfully though...I have so many praying for me. Please know how much those prayers are welcomed, not taken for granted and needed. Yes, I am a Cancer Survivor. BUT it is still very much a part of my everyday living and will forever be. In those moments that I feel like I’m being swallowed by the enormous weight that surrounds me, I am so ever thankful for each AND EVERYONE of you. It takes time out of your day to come here, read, encourage and pray. It is still, daily, such an awesome testimony of His provision for me. Thank you will never seem enough for the care you have for me.

As far as medically….please continue to pray for the balance needed between medication, pain and just being a mommy. It seems as if I am in a never ending battle of trying to figure it all out. One seems to always contradict another. Also, it looks like I will be having my 1st surgery (final reconstruction) at the beginning of December. We are trying to work out the details of dates, my mom being able to come and taking care of the holidays for the kids. If all goes as planned…I’ll let you know of the dates. Also, I am due for more scans next month. Until then, there are always nerves. I know that is normal. But I don’t want nerves to turn into anxiety. That’s where, for me, I allow peace to escape. Which is quite the opposite of what I desire.

SIDE NOTE: I’ve had a few calls and emails asking about Roy’s picnic. Well, no truck. He won a gift card to Best Buy. So no complaints. But the prayers for another vehicle are still appreciated. As the weather gets colder, the need gets bigger.

There have been so many asking about Barbara. This is an email her mom sent out on Thursday…

I've been at Barbara's since last Friday. When we arrived she had headaches and nausea. That night she started on a steroid which reduces inflammation so it must be helping as the headaches are gone. She also started a new chemo drug and has a tiny bit of nausea but not bad. Her eyes don't focus together too well and that causes her vision to be jumpy. To look at her eyes now they seem to be coming together again but she says the vision isn't much better. She gets around very slowly with a walker but if we are in a hurry we walk behind her with our arms around and she can keep up pretty good that way. Her attitude is still amazing and she's laughing at her inabilities! The radiation treatments are daily for 5 weeks. The symptoms could get worse before they get better and the radiation keeps on working a few weeks after the treatment is done so the improvements may not happen for awhile. So keep praying for God's healing! She is praising the Lord that she's not in pain! Seeing her this way breaks my heart but she is still the encourager and says she plans on being alive on the other side of this! A true fighter!
Kathy

I know I speak on behalf of Barbara when I say how much it means to have all of you praying. To know perfect strangers are loving you from afar is an incredible lift to the soul. This next weekend I hope to make a quick trip out to finally meet her face to face. Needless to say I am a bit excited. She is so special and I can’t wait to make some memories with her and her family. I will let you know how she is doing as the days go by.

You are all wonderful. Many of you are in the midst of your own trials and tribulations. I hope this gives you the comfort it gives me. For this has been a week where I have had no strength…but yet, today, I feel strong.

“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” -Isaiah 40:29-31

Matthew 11:23

"Come to me - Shannon, come close. Be in my presence.

all you who are weary - You are exhausted, beyond tired.

and burdened - The weight you carry is more than a fair load. I know this.

and I - Me, the great I AM, your Father, Savior, Breathe of Life, Jehovah, your friend, lover of your soul

will give you rest." - I will give you what you need. I. will. provide.

-Matthew 11:23

I'm not crazy

...at least not in the way you think. :)

Yes, we did get a new dog. A sweet little black & white puppy who is the center of our kids affection right now. Her name is Serra. For those who care, she is a beagle/bichon mix. She definitely inherited the beagle howl. :0) We hear it every time we leave without her.

So pretty much everyone has said I was crazy to undertake this new adventure during this time in my life. Obviously I went against everyone's advice. I guess you can't say I'm a follower.;)This was important for me. I have always wanted a small dog for the kids. Those of you who know us, already know that our other 2 dogs are quite large. They are wonderful...but just too big to sleep with.:) Also, we have always told Tala that when we moved we would get this dog...well moving just isn't in the cards anytime soon. Our neighbors had a little of 9 and I was drawn in. But I DID step away from the cuteness for over a month. I just took time to think it all through. And it came down to this...

I didn't want to have any regrets. I know if my time was cut short sooner than I would hope, I would regret not doing it now. So one night I walked across the street and surprised my kids by bringing her home. She's already proving to be a great dog. She sleeps great...and quietly all night long. Potty training is a work in progress, but even this is going well. The perfect little dog was waiting for us, she was free, my kids already loved her (duh!!!) and we are a dog family.

Those of you who still think I'm crazy....that's okay. I still love you and I'll let my puppy give you kisses anyway :)

All of Me

There are times that I am beyond prayer. I want to. But the words escape me. In the midst of my ever exhausting life, the enemy tries to take even this.

How thankful I am that my sweet Savior is willing to listen to my heartstrings through the words of others. I do borrow. And often it is in the way of song. It's then that He allows my absence of words to pray to be turned into the praise that He so fully deserves. I am so thankful that when I stumble for the words to say to my Father, that I am able to borrow ones that enable me to give Him the adoration that is due Him.



(Don't forget to scroll down and mute my play list before watching.)

Barbara

My friend Barbara and I are connected. We have so much in common. And the majority is in relation to Breast Cancer. We were both pregnant when diagnosed. Our journey's began within a month of each other. We have never actually met face to face. Friends of mine were neighbors with her in-laws years ago. And through the technology of the internet....we were connected. And a beautiful and unique friendship has been an encouragement to me on so many levels.

It seems like she keeps getting hit over and over again by the enemy. She is so special. No wonder. But the same God who is holding me is holding her. I do get discouraged every time I hear more 'bad news' has fallen on her. I cry. I feel physically ill. I hate this disease on a personal level. And where Barbara's concerned...it's personal. I feel helpless. What is there for me to do to help her. I think of everything that others have done and continue to do for me/us. Not one thing ever goes unnoticed. Everything means something. Truthfully though, it's the encouragement and the love & prayers that absolutely mean the world. So this is what I shall do.

One day I hope to meet her face to face. I desire to be able to 'just be' with her. My connection to her is one I have with no one else. She understands all the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual that goes hand in hand with this journey. Not many words are needed to 'explain' an experience or feeling. I am blessed that I have her to share this all with. And the funny thing is, our communication has not been a tremendous amount....it doesn't have to be. I know she's here. She knows the same.

So why so much about her? Well the tumors have grown. They've multiplied. She has peace. I understand this from the position of someone who has been given this same type of peace. God graciously blesses us with it. BUT, my human, weak heart is hurting. Where is my peace right now? She is blessing me with just being her. Is this what I have done for others? It's all kind of surreal. I feel 'removed' from myself and 'all' people have said/felt about me. But I'm beginning to understand a little more....1-it truly is a God thing. Only He can make us this strong and at peace in situations like thus. and 2-People DO feel drawn to people who have thus peace...even those who claim no believe. I feel drawn to Barbara. I think and pray for her throughout my days. Why does she come to mind so often? Is it the cancer? Is it the 'bad news' she just got? Yes to both. But more so, it's the peace. It radiates even though it's been days since I spoke to her.

Walking the road of cancer truly does suck. I know it has to for her too. So I ask that you pray for Barbara. Please pray that God will continue to work in her. Giving her the peace that only comes from Him. Her days are different than normal. She has to have others helping her. Please pray that He continues to supply all the help she needs. Please pray for healing. That, although medically it may look 'bad', she will continue to rely on the fact that our God is bigger than all of it. And more capable than any doctor, medication or treatment. Please be praying as she starts a new radiation regimen. That it will 'do the trick' as far as the tumors are concerned. And that she will have minimal to no side effects. And please pray for her heart. Simply that He will consume every corner of it. That the enemy will have no say in what goes on there.

Barbara, I love you girl! As I talked with you the other day I realized something...you are one of few that holds the title 'hero' in my life. I am so grateful for our friendship. It's precious in a very special sort of way. I'm so glad that we have gotten to walk this journey at the same time. It's made it less lonely. :) One day we will actually get to sit and just enjoy getting to know one another outside our cancer 'selves'. I can't wait.

Update 10/15/08

Please scroll down to see update for my friend, Barbara

Hi Everyone,
So many have inquired how I was doing this past week...thought I would update.

My car is fixed. Thank you so much for your prays and concern. Thankfully, our mechanic knows the excitement that goes with our family too. So we had it done by noon the next day. As always, the $ end of it stinks...and not due to him. Actually, we are very blessed with his friendship and always 'throwing stuff in for free'. But there is only so much he can do when it comes to the actual cost of the parts that are needed. Aaahhhh...what to do what to do....

Well, I have a mission for you in this area, no maybe more a request. It may be a little out there...but, again, this is me and anything goes, right?! This Sunday is Roy's annual work picnic.

Only those invited are able to go and participate in the different drawings. The prizes are huge...and I mean HUGE!!! DVD players, TV's of every size, barbecues, food, jet skis, boats, motorcycles, quads, trips AND TRUCKS. 2 to be exact. Last year Roy came home with a very large flat screen, a DVD player and a portable DVD player. Oh and some hot dogs and hamburgers:) .

So your part in all this?......well, we need a new vehicle. The weather is getting cold, which is adding tremendously to my pain….blah, blah, blah. I could go on and on but really, it’s the actual chance to win a new truck that is the main part of me bringing all this up.

Could you pray? Again, I know it may be far fetched…but wild things have happened in the Pinkards’ lives…so I figured, hey, why not? And if I end up with another big T.V. Tala already ‘volunteered’ to have it in her room :) . Could you imagine a 7 year old with a 50inch flat screen?…

Anyways, so we are still plugging along. Everything is still the same in the areas of health, pain, money, etc. But I never take it for granted that I am here. Whether life is hard-w/pain-struggling-frustrated-discouraged-happy-or sad….I know full well that each day would be extremely different if I wasn’t. So instead of getting into a rut (and believe me, I do :)), I remind myself frequently to choice JOY. (Just ask my kids…I tend to ‘tell’ myself out loud quite often. ;)
I do have another prayer request. More serious in nature and for a friend.

I’m not good anymore in the memory area (I blame the drugs:)) …not sure if I ever mentioned my friend, Barbara. Her and I started our cancer journeys almost at the same time. We both were pregnant, have young kids, ARE young (her more than I :)) and have been through the ringer with this disease. Oh, and we have actually never met…we met through a friend of a friend and the world wide web. Well, she has been going through some awful junk. Numbness, vision issues, struggling with walking, pain….and this is me candy coating. She has been going through treatment, AGAIN, for tumor issues in her head (again, my memory fails me here to the exact spot)…but I do know there has actually been some growth along with more tumors appearing recently on scans. VERY SERIOUS STUFF, FOLKS!

Tomorrow, Thursday, she will be going in to have a Gamma Knife procedure done. If you remember, I had this done in July of ‘07. I truly believe it to be an amazing thing and THE great tool in having my lesion be gone from my brain. I am excited that she has been given this opportunity. But I won’t lie here either….It probably rates in the top 5 of the ‘most painful’ things I have ever had to go through. And I have had quite a few…some of which you don’t know about….that’s for another post :). AND, don’t worry, I’ve actually talked with Barbara and reading this shouldn’t ‘freak’ her out. If anything, I hope I have put her at ease. I did not have anyone that had had it done. She actual has her grandmother also. Again, life saving.

Please pray for her. That she will have minimal side effects. That her nerves will be minimal tonight and tomorrow morning. And most importantly , that this will completely get rid of these tumors.

Thank you so much for being people who care. Not just about me, but about the enormity of this disease and what it does to so many others. I appreciate, in advance, your love & concern for a complete stranger. I know Barbara will covet all the prayers lifted up for her.

Sorry this is so long….but it seems to be how I roll when I get in front of this screen. :D
Have a great day, everyone!
Love, Shannon
*************************************************
UPDATE ON BARBARA:
The following email was sent out last night from Barbara:
"Dear friends and family,
Since the last time I wrote, plans have changed. I had an MRI done yesterday morning and it showed 12 tumors that had grown. So, I am not a candidate for the gamma knife surgery which was scheduled for tomorrow morning. Instead, I am going to have 5 weeks of lower-dose radiation, hopefully starting Monday. Some of the tumors had become too large to use the gamma knife, so the Dr though it would be better to reduce the amount of radiation per dose and spread it out over the 5 weeks. I have to go 5 days/week, but it is supposed to be safer for my normal brain cells. This procedure will be in Escondido at the hospital.
In the mean time, I have a very hard time with my vision. My eyes don't focus, even when I'm sitting still. I've used a walker, but even with that I'm slow and still wobbly.
Our church and "Mom's in Touch" have been incredible. Someone has been here with me from 9-6 every day this week to watch the kids and take care of the things that I can't do, ie, making lunch, cleaning up toys, basic kid needs, ….
God has provided for us in so many ways. Mike is an awesome husband as he picks up the slack around here. He's going to need a big vacation when I'm all better!!!
Keep praying for healing…it will come. God is faithful to do abundantly above all that we think or ask. To Him be the glory.
Barbara"

And this was sent today from Shirley, her mother-in-law today:
"I arrived in San Diego last evening and here's the latest news around here. No procedure was done today. Barbara is starting to have major headaches. Please pray for God's plan for her life. This is no way to live. The word 'hospice" was used here this morning for the first time. With appreciation for your loving support,
Shirley for all of us"

It is urgency that I ask for your commitment to pray for this family. There is such complexity to the needs they have right now. Without going into detail, I feel the emails above give you a little taste of what is happening. Please pray with me for healing to be placed on Barbara's body. God is able. I know this without a shadow of a doubt. Gratefully, Shannon

One of those days

It's been one of those days.

Blah and full of emotions I would rather not have. I'm exhausted from trying to work through things. Over and over again. But yet, I know it's God's way of allowing me a new lesson. A way for me to grow.

I woke up near tears.
Already tired and hadn't even gotten out of bed yet.
Discouraged that other's can 'move' on to bigger and better.
I'm still stuck here.
Having to be social isn't what I wanted to do today because..

It's been one of those days.

Kids fighting nonstop and definitely not listening to me one bit. Expectations are thrown at me from every angle. Where do I throw mine?

I'm sinking.

I need a like preserver.

But I have to put my face on.
And dress pretty.
Let's not forget, lecturing kids to 'act right'.
It's been one of those days...

Why do I do it? Why do I pretend? Why do any of us pretend? To make people comfortable.
That's what I did today. Sucked it all up. For others. I hid myself. I was full of ache, heartache.

It's been one of those days...

And He provided.

I had one who dove in...wanting to really, really know just how I was.
I cried.
So did she.
We talked...really, really talked.
In such a short time she allowed me to be just me. I was able to 'show' my true self.

It's been one of those days.

One where He provides

just

what

I

need

GRACE

"That he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter, then to the Twelve." -1 Corinthians 15:4-5

(Following is a piece of my devotions this morning....it's stuck with me all day)
Have you ever made the connection that Peter, the same man who denied Jesus three times before His death, was the first apostle to see Jesus after his resurrection? What an amazing display of the grace of God - what a brilliant example of the Father's heart to restore fellowship with one of His followers! Be reminded, by Jesus' example here, that no matter how far you think you've fallen, there's a Savior ready to take your hand and cradle you back into the most fulfilling fellowship with Himself.


How many times do I sin in just one day? Comprehending this along with the words above...I feel I am just beginning to understand what 'GRACE' truly is. I have been sitting, staring at this screen. Typing, deleting, typing again. deleting, repeat, repeat, repeat. Tears just falling down my cheeks. I deserve nothing. But the GRACE He has given for just one offense is love. Pure, unconditional love. Let alone all that I am guilty of. Image after image, remembrances I would rather forget...all playing before my heart. The tugging of this 'lesson' is almost unbearable. GRACE. I thought I was grateful for it before. Now I know that I didn't have a clue.

I am still alive, very much alive, by His GRACE alone. Medicine...a work of His GRACE. Doctors...a work of His GRACE. Cancer, gone....a work of His GRACE. Raising my kids....a work of His GRACE. Living a 'fairly' normal life....a work of His GRACE.

It's so easy to think of Peter as the one who betrayed Jesus. Because he did. But so do each of us. So do I. Many, many, MANY times. To say that it is human nature is true. We are made this way. We will sin. BUT. Why would I keep doing it knowing what GRACE truly is?! His GRACE is undeserved. But yet it is free. No wait, the only cost is to allow Him to live in me...it seems to be a win win situation. So why would one want the lose lose options?

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions -it is by GRACE you have saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him, in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his GRACE, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by GRACE you have been saved, through faith -and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:4-10

Rather than be heartbroken for what I have done, I choose to move forward with firm premeditation of how I should take each step. With GRACE guiding me.

Cancer Sucks!!!

But truly it does.

I hate so much of what it has done in my life and to my life. I looked at a picture of myself about 3-4 years ago and felt like I was looking at someone else. And in essence...I was. I am not the same person I was just 2 years ago. And for that, I am thankful in so many ways for cancer...no, not so much....more so, what God has done to my heart because of the cancer. Would I want to be the same person in heart, mind, and soul that I was just a mere 2 years ago? No, of course not. Daily I know I have more insight to the growth that God is allowing me. I'm privileged in this. I am thankful. I embrace this life with everything I have because I have had to fight for it. Cliche, I know. But there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for the 'second chance' I've been given. The enemy tried with everything, and I mean everything, to bring me to my knees. Little did he know that that would just give me a clearer view of my sweet Savior's face.

There really is not a moment that goes by that cancer is not at the forefront of my thoughts. Dramatic? Not at all. It is always, always there. Am I unusual because of this? Am I just harping on the past? No, I don't think so. For as 'abnormal' as this journey has made me....I am sure in this area I am sane. Once the word 'cancer' becomes a part of any one's life in this magnitude it's bound to stay long term. And that simple fact alone is enough to constitute the title I've chosen. Because really,

Cancer Sucks!!!

I so have the desire to educate people on how I cannot think of one part of my body that remains the same. Cancer has done this. And will continue. I look ahead to the rest of my life enduring physical pain and constantly being 'on guard' because of this enemy driven disease. Mentally, without my Physician, I would be in a pool of helplessness. Thankfully I can face today, as well as the future, with all the help I will ever need. Of course, the enemy will continue to try to strike me down. And I am certain that my Redeemer will be there to pick me up.

Yeah, I talk big. But I gotta claim it. Because I am human and I am weak. I shed tears, if not once, many times a day. I truthfully cannot think of a day since all this began that I haven't. Most times they appear in the privacy of my shower. I let them flow and give them to Him. Because I am weak. Scared, frightened, petrified beyond belief. While going through chemo there are so many side effects that happened. I was trained to tell my family, as well as my doctor, EVERYTHING that was happening. Do you know how embarrassing it is to discuss your 'bathroom' issues....daily?! While at the same time, losing all your hair. Can you imagine the self esteem issues one has to go through when becoming bald? I mean, being bald is one thing, with enough issues. But actually losing your hair slowly, wondering what you're going to look like, and not really wanting anyone to see you. Seriously, enough is enough!!! But that's not the way the enemy sees it. He will do anything and everything to try and knock us down. So humiliation is one key way he will strike. And those are just 2 examples of what strikes a cancer victim. This list could go on forever.

Cancer sucks!

Fear is the hardest part. I think because it is deep. All the physical is just out in the open. Where the actual fear of what this disease has done can wear on one's soul. I know the reality of what it's capable of. Scans are a part of the rest of my life. Every little 'something' becomes HUGE because I have to make sure it's just that...a little 'something'. Fear. Constant fear. But yet, I'm called to not live this way. How? Knowing the statistics are incredibly high for return. Seriously, how?

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

Well, I guess that answers that. Easy? Not at all. But it's simple. And reassuring and comforting.

Still....

Cancer Sucks!!!

HaPpY BiRtHdAy

I just want to take this opportunity to say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" to my wonderful hubby.

Roy is one of the most dedicated men I know. Through all the adversity in the past years, he continues to put his family first. Today, he is at work again. I know, I know...we all have to work on our birthdays...well, most of us anyway.:) But when I see him going 30-40 days straight with as little as 4-5 hours at the most of sleep....I just can't help but be amazed, proud and blessed by this man. He takes his responsibility as the provider very personal and does not give into his own fleshly desires to quit at all. He enjoys making his kids laugh as well as making me chuckle every now and then.;) I could go on and on, but....

I just want to give him a shout out....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Update 10/3/08

You know what's hard? Asking for prayer over and over and over again. I realize my journey is a little 'out of the ordinary' and that there are so many who ask continuously how we are doing. Truthfully, it is really hard to keep up with the challenge that God has put before me to be open, honest and vulnerable. I find it much easier to withdraw, put on the happy face and act like nothing's wrong when facing people. But, here I am again. Less than 24 hours from another challenge in our life that I wanted to keep quiet about because it really is easier just not to say anything. Actually, there's a couple, but let's start with the most recent.


Our one working vehicle broke down on the freeway yesterday. Yeah, so we went from 2 to 1 to none. Just a little bit stressed. It is fixable but will be a substantial amount....of which we are trying so hard to put aside for a new truck for him. I am thankful though, that we have had so much 'bigger' things happen in our life....because it's easier to calm myself and keep this all in prospective:).

Without going into many details, please pray for some stuff going on with my body. I tend to stay away from being to graphic. Don't worry, I'm not thinking 'cancer'...just some very uncomfortable side effects. But please pray. There's some extra pain and discomfort. Plus, I'm looking at more test and appointments.


This is a quick one...just really felt the need to let you all know that I am so behind on thank yous, responding to emails and letters. Most of you don't expect me to do all that....but it's something that bugs me everyday. I will get to them, maybe a year later:) although, I sure hope not. I just want to make sure you all know how much I appreciate all the encouragement you still continue to give me. I am so overwhelmed at times by the love and support. Not one thing goes unnoticed. Actually, I think I notice more BECAUSE of all that's happened. I am so thankful for each of you.

Have a great weekend. love, Shannon

PS: For those of you who know us personally...Tala got glasses this week. She looks so cute and loves them. And thankfully, none of the vision issues were due to diabetes affects.

Clear Vision

I had the opportunity to share my the journey with someone I just met today. It was so exciting to see how it became all 'new' again. I was able to refresh my mind of all the details. And all I can think about is how people get so engrossed and engaged upon hearing everything that has happened in my life in the past two years.

One of the things I said upon ending was, "It's the journey, not me." And oh how I needed to hear that. With all the junk that's happening to me it is so easy to lose focus. I seem to easily get lost in my own little world, that I forget the One who sustains me in it. I truly, truly cannot understand how He is not seen in all this. But it's true. I know many who are angry with God, proclaim it's easier to just NOT believe and even outright blame Him for everything. I just can't imagine this encircling one's heart. For I see nothing but Him. As the enemy brought on the toughest of battles, my Saviour saved me time and time again from his grasp.

I realize that many of my thoughts seem to be 'typical Christian thinking'. And I am striving for nothing of the sort. 'Authentic' is more what I'm aiming to convey. This journey. This frightful, long, tiring, sweet-filled journey is more than I would ever wish for. But it sure is more than I could hope for. Today I was reminded of that. So tomorrow when I wake up struggling to face the day, I will be thankful that through this journey He is teaching me to see His face more clearly. For without this journey, I would still be looking through smudged lens.