In the midst of wife & mommy stuff, medical stuff & grieving I've also been working on being even more transparent than this. It's making some uncomfortably uncomfortable, some glad I'm going to the next step, some feeling like they can relate, and others even feeling like they can finally come out and share the things they've hidden deep within.
Honestly, it is easy to loss sight of this 'task' that God has called me too. It is much simpler to just fit into the norm and be like the world wants. Criticism can seem like cast iron bats to the heart. To have those who claim to 'get it' throw it all in your face....well, let's just say that simpler times are longed for once in awhile.
Also, I do hold back often. It's hard. Having those you trust know your deepest hurts, thoughts and insecurities is hard enough. To add to that, all of you whom I don't even hardly know...Wow! It's tough being transparent over and over again with the sacred parts of my heart. There's a trust that goes into sharing with someone. And in this fashion, of blogging....I'm not always sure if the trust goes both ways. My words have, even with my closest of friends, been turned inside out and upside down and used against me. So what do I do?
I plan to keep on keeping on.
My God has called me to it...so I must do it!!!!!
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. ~Ephesians 6:19-20
This is the verse that I have always prayed over this site. Please pray for me as I continue to expose my heart. That as I speak, I am fearless in my witness of the gospel. Only bringing glory to the One and True God.
.......and none to myself.
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