There’s not much to report. I am working on getting my bone scan done (never got it done before Christmas.) Originally, I was just having it done for information purposes. I wanted to know the extent of damage. Now I, along with my doctor, want it done because of some side effects that I have been having.
I have been experiencing many headaches. Actually, I have had to classify them as migraines. They cause so much pain that I struggle to ‘function’ when they come on. And sometimes they come on quick. The problem I am having is they are happening almost daily and I am limited on medication because of the ‘sleepy’ side effects not being a good combo with having the kids J Also, my back pain seems to have magnified a bit.
I know some of you become immediately worried….don’t. Remember, I have good instincts. I ‘knew’ I had cancer before I was diagnosed. I ‘knew’ about most of my weird side effects. Right now, I just think I need to know what’s happening with my spine. I truly believe it all to be related. (Don’t get me wrong….I will be getting everything checked thoroughly. Like I said, I have good instincts but I’m also not naïve. Part of my new ‘normal’ is realizing that anything ‘new’ needs to be discussed and covered with my doc.) But I truly do think it is spine related. The bummer is that if I am having this deep pain at the lower end of my tailbone, also lower back pain, AND the migraines….it seems to be pointing to the fact that my entire spine has damage. It could be the whole thing…or just the parts that seem to be hurting.
What does this mean? Well, unofficially, it means that pain will be a part of my life. Medication for this will have to become a daily thing. We (my doc & I) will have to figure out what I can take and still function as a mommy. Some have asked if surgery is an option. Truthfully, we know nothing until I do the scan. Which we are working trying for the next week or so. What I do know is this. In my moments of weakness during my pain I am attempting to use it as a reminder of His Grace. Point blank…: I am here….alive. We all know my prognosis was statistically on the lower percentile last January. If I did not have these lasting effects, maybe I would not reflect with Thanksgiving as often. Twisted? Maybe. But I prefer to call it a ‘painful’ blessing.
As always I come asking for prayer:
*for the pain throughout my back
*for the ‘migraines’
*for the ability to make all doctor’s appointments
*finances
*housing (possibility we may have to move)
*time management (being a full-time mommy is challenging in itself, with my physical & ‘mental’ disadvantages….it gives challenging a whole new meaning for me)
*to remain persistent in my pursuit of His purpose(s) for this journey
Thank you all for your continued support, friendship & love. I say it again and again. There are so many points throughout my days that I grasp for just a piece of Peace. You have become His love to me. When I receive an email, letter, phone call, package, meal, gift, time, prayer, etc. -- you may never know how you bless me…my heart. Some of you have even said that you had no idea a certain action actually meant so much. Well, I’m here to tell you how tremendous you all are! As I daily reflect on the blessing of my healing, I do not take for granted the blessings of each of YOU!!
Thank you for being a part of my journey.
I would love to claim the following little story as my own, but it was written by someone else. I share it with you tonight because it ‘captures’ a miracle that I hadn’t thought about. And I pray you will be as excited as I was to ‘discover’ it. Because the miracle includes you and is you……
"The Brave Little Soul"
Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. She especially enjoyed the love she saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day she saw suffering in the world. She approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?"
God paused for a moment and replied, "Little Soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts." The little soul was confused. "What do you mean," she asked. "God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone."
The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity."
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With her wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go!! I would love to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!!"
God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you."
God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed."
Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through her suffering and God's strength, she unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys - some regained lost faith - many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, strangers became friends and every family spent more time together. People sent notes of encouragement. People brought meals to the family of the suffering. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened.
God was pleased ......
I am so blessed
Shannon
Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. She especially enjoyed the love she saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day she saw suffering in the world. She approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?"
God paused for a moment and replied, "Little Soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts." The little soul was confused. "What do you mean," she asked. "God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone."
The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity."
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With her wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go!! I would love to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!!"
God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you."
God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed."
Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through her suffering and God's strength, she unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys - some regained lost faith - many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, strangers became friends and every family spent more time together. People sent notes of encouragement. People brought meals to the family of the suffering. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened.
God was pleased ......
I am so blessed
Shannon
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