I have been battling what to write in this update. I strive each time I write to communicate in some sort of way how He has blessed me through this whole experience. I also have tried to be discerning on what I share with whom. To cause another to stumble is a heavy burden for my heart.
But I received the following through the grapevine of friendship. It captures my heart and is the reason I am choosing to share my heart in such transparent way this evening.
We all have such pride and asking for help is one of the hardest things to do. I know for me it is. We feel it is a sign of weakness. But in reality it is a sign of strength. Not only as Christians, but as good people in general, it is important we have our back up. But to have them at all times. Not just in times of trouble. It is so good to know I have my back up and when I need to be lifted up in prayer or know someone who does, I can send out an email, text or make a call and within minutes I know my back up will have the chain of prayers linking together and making it stronger and stronger.
Accountability it is not just a buzz word.........it's a lifestyle.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. - James 5:16
4 reasons why we don't call for back up:
1. Calling for back up means we need help.
2. Calling for back up means we expose our weakness.
3. Calling for back up has been unsuccessful.
4. Calling for back up means we have to be honest with ourselves.
4 reasons we must call for back up:
1. Back up is safe.
a. Trust in the midst of trial.
b. Boundaries are a blessing.
2. Back up is superior.
a. Reliable and ready
b. Free from ridicule and reaction.
3. Back up is speedy.
a. Priority for a purpose.
b. Anywhere and anytime.
4. Back up is strength.
a. Community brings consistency.
b. Community is strengthened by compassion.
I just wanted to share this with you because you are a part of my back up and I am forever blessed to have you in my life.
My last update shared how I have been having headaches. Literally the next day I began having extreme back pain. I went in to have my chemo within 2 days. I was able to talk with my doc face to face while I was there. ‘Just to be safe’ – he & I agree to do another brain MRI & a full body bone scan within the week (it’s this Thursday). I said in my last update that my instincts say it’s related to the damage to my spine. But once the back pain kicked in….my thoughts have been wondering.
….the past couple days the pain has been getting worse. I find myself wondering if it’s the ‘same’ as before I was diagnosed. Today has been emotionally hard. Which is to be expected….but I’m sending out this very ‘raw’ update because I have made up my mind that ‘educating’ others on the reality of this horrible disease is more important that everyone feeling all happy & comfortable. Please, don’t get me wrong….my love and appreciation for all of you really is beyond MY comprehension. BUT….I need/want to expose this awful sickness for what it is. It is with me for the rest of my life. Every time I feel a twinge, a tweak….or now, a PAIN….my thoughts will immediately go to cancer and think the worse.
The bible says “fear no evil” (Psalm 23:4) & “Be strong, do not fear” (Isaiah 35:4).
I know all of this is not from Him. We live in a fallen world that disease is a consequence of. He still wants to walk with me…carrying me through this. But I am struggling to put all my fear at His feet while in this waiting period. I have failed over the past year to fully show all my vulnerability with all of you. I’ve been picky. I have wanted to appear strong, in control, sure & faithful. When in reality, I am weak, so out-of-control, very fearful and lacking in trust. You are my back up. All of you. And I would covet your prayers for my ‘sanity’ in the next week or so as I wait through this until results come back…CLEAN!
All along I have said that I want this whole cancer experience to be about ‘teaching others’. The only way people can learn the entire ‘lesson’ is to be ‘taught’ the entire subject. Well, as I considered what to write tonight, He challenged me with all of this. To be vulnerable, raw & transparent. Not to wait until the ‘good’ is here to share.
I am truly sorry for those family & friends who are close to me that this is pretty much shocking. I haven’t talked with anyone about all this and right now…it’s past all of our bedtime and I don’t want to wake anyone:)
Writing is so therapeutic for me…that just doing this has stopped the tears and brought a smile. Thank you being the ones that support me…even in my very raw, transparent & vulnerable moments.
I have the best back up!!
Shannon
No comments:
Post a Comment