Hello Everyone
I don't have much to report on the medical side of things. My mom has been here for the past 2 weeks so I have been able to go to my 'scheduled' appointments along with some add ons. Right now the only thing I would ask that you pray for is that I would NOT need a new port in. The last two times I have gone in for treatment it has been a real struggle for them to get my IV going. (I think I have mentioned before that I am a very hard stick...have terrible veins.) I really don't want to go through the port thing again since I had so much trouble with blood clots the first time around.
There are a few things I wanted to address that have come up with a few people in the past month or so.
There have been a few comments, by well meaning friends, that my life is too overwhelming for them, thus they have pulled back from being involved and helping. To this I say, "I'm sorry for being a burden. I'm sorry for making you feel this way. I'm sorry that it has come to this for you personally." And for those of you who are helping us in our day to day life.....AND don't feel comfortable taking a step back in caution of hurting our feelings....please do what you need to do to help yourselves. I do know that my life is crazy, full and chaotic. But it is mine to go forward with. I embrace all the help I can get. BUT would never, ever want to become a burden. The help we receive is never taken for granted and is always a blessing. Being the giver of help should also be blessed along the way.
So simply put....if helping us is a burden, please take the step back that you need to and if it continues to bless you to help us...then we are blessed to have you be a part of our lives.
This leads me to the next thing I want to talk about.
This journey that I have been on is going on the 2 year mark. There have been many lessons along the way. One that has been somewhat hard on the heart is the coming and going of friends & family.
We all go through seasons in our lives. We all have people come and go. But I have had a chance to see what disease, fear, blessings, miracles, God, schedules,etc can bring out in people. The extremes in life tend to bring out the best and the worst during these times.
I have watched as close friends & family decided, consiously & unconsiously, to walk away from us in the very beginning. Our life held too much of the unexpected in the face of fear and death. While at the same time, we were graced with unbelievable gifts in the form of new friends. They entered our lives with the soul purpose to be here to aid us in any way we needed.
As we started coming to the point of looking past the grim and seeing a future that held some brightness....some came back, not afraid anymore. And there are others that walked away when the 'crisis' part ended. Their 'job' was done and they went out to help others. And let's not forget the ones that simply appeared from the past. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to rebuild friendships with good friends from long ago.
There is complexity to relationships. Life brings fear and joy that entertwine with these relationships. It doesn't matter if your life is calm or full of storms. Relationships are crucial to how you walk through each moment. I will be forever grateful for the depth that some of my relationships have gone to because of this journey. (One of the blessings that have come in the midst of my storms.:)
You all know that I stand firm within the realms of my relationship with God. But how thankful I am that He has seen fit to bless me with so many of you throughout this journey. There are so many of you that I have never met. But yet, we carry a closeness within our hearts because of the bond we have built. Then there are those of you that we started as friends and grown into something that almost needs a 'new' word to discribe what we have now. There's also all my new friends, my family that has given everything and mean everything to me and complete strangers that grace me once or twice with their presence just for a moment of blessings.
Relationships. Take time to think about the ones you have been blessed with. Invest. Whether big or small. Be intentional about them. Your spouse, kids, family & friends, neighbors, one time aquintances and even strangers. Be intentional.
As stated, my life is full and chaotic. I hate that along the way, time gets away from me as I try to do everything that needs to be done. With this I tend to loss sit of being intentional with each person along the way. So right now I am taking the blessing of this CaringBridge site to be intentional....
There is a place that I can go to see who reads my updates. I do it about once a week. Why? Because I want to be intentional with all of you. The investment you are making into my life just be 'being here' for me is irreplaceable. The only way I can reciprocate with most of you is to pray for you. Thus, the reason for looking at my list. I want to be intentional in my investment in your lives.
Thank you for ALL & EVERYTHING you each do for me.
with gratitude, Shannon
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