God is God

All last year everyone compared me to Job....I was their 'Jobette'. I studied him. In the midst of things, I myself didn't feel that it was 'as bad' as what he dealt with. God was holding me and giving me strength beyond my own understanding.

I see that now. I see it all. I do feel like Job. "When will it all end?" I thought I was strong before. And actually I think I was. God made me so strong to deal with it all. Did I think I was 'all that'? No....but I did know He was the reason I was strong. It's confusing to explain, but easy to understand. Especially now.

These days of waiting to find out if the cancer is back has been torturous. I don't feel strong at all. I feel at my weakness. Everything...EVERYTHING is out of my control. It's funny how we tend to show the world only a fraction of our lives but yet we expect them to understand it all. How unfair of me to do this to those who are trying to understand.

It's easy to let yourself get caught up in the 'woe is me' play. And I know right now anyone would give me that right. Life is hard and it sucks big time. " God will not give you more than you can handle" is so misinterpreted. The verse actually says, "He will not let you be TEMPTED beyond what you can bear." Two totally different things here.

Conclusion: Temptation & more than I can handle are two different things. God will not allow me to be tempted beyond. BUT, I am not promised anywhere that I would not be given more than I can handle. I feel better knowing this in some sort of twisted way. It's nice to know that my life IS too much. That I'm not losing it when I feel like I DO have TOO MUCH on my plate.

The flip side of knowing this is that it is that much easier to feel sorry for myself. But I have to remind myself often that none of it matters in the whole scheme of things. What I mean by this is that God is God. Not matter if life is easy or hard, fun or sad, whether people get me or not, with cancer or without. God is God. His promises are the same. I need to claim Him in ALL circumstances in order to be right where He wants me to be.

Life is painful. That's the way it's supposed to be. If it wasn't it would be too easy to get complacent and want to be here rather than where we were made to be....next to Him.